Crocodile Dundee

"That's not a knife...THAT'S A KNIFE!!"

Plot: Mick Crocodile Dundee (Paul Hogan) is an Aussie chap. Lives in the outback and wrestles crocs...hence the name. Along comes a reporter from the Big Apple, who's heard of his exploits and wants to write about him. She realises there's more to him than appears and takes him to New York, the first city he's ever been to. They fall in love, yadda yadda yadda.

It sounds moderately amusing, it's more. It's legend in itself. There's even a scene where a kangaroo fires a rifle at game poachers...Awesome!

Budget: $10,000,000

Gross: $328,303,506

WOW!

Fun Fact: Clearly there were sequels...2 not so bad, 3 pretty awful- Mike Tyson even appears in it, tells you how bad it really was.

Predator

He's back, again.

I know Arnie has popped up more than once in this blog, but what can you do?! The fella made great cult films!

Plot: Special forces team and a CIA chap (Carl Weathers- Apollo Creed in all the Rocky films) are dropped in a jungle to do some covert stuff. All would be well, except it seems that an advanced alien race likes to use Earth as a safari/hunting preserve. Cue: big mini-gun (Terminator 2 stylee), rippling muscles (errr, that'd be every Schwarzenneger film) and some nifty (even today) special effects.

When a film spawns two direct sequels and a couple of hybrid spin-offs, you know it's done well.

Budget: $18,000,000

Gross: $98,267,558

Fun Fact: Directed by John McTiernan (Die Hard), this film was originally entitled Hunter and was written as a result of a joke, stating that as Rocky had run out of Earthly fellas to fight, next one ought to be an alien. Joel Silver cast Arnie though...well, Stallone had Rambo. Oh and it was originally Jean-Claude Van-Damme in the alien suit...he said it was too hot though and the fella from Harry and the Hendersons took the role.

Beetlejuice

Before Candyman, there was Betleguese, Betleguese, BETLEGUESE!

Before Helena Bonham-Carter, there was Winona Ryder.

Before Johnny Depp, Tim Burton really liked Michael Keaton (Batman) and they made this rather bizzare film.

Plot: Two folks-the Maitlands, living in an American hamlet, die. A little while later a teenage girl and her big city parents move in to their house and start making changes. All would be fine, except the original tenants are reluctant to leave and decide to haunt the gaff. Turns out the city folk don't scare too easy and the Maitlands are rubbish ghosts (nice bed sheets) so they have to enlist the services of a professional, cue Mr Keaton.

This film is quite possibly one of Burton's best and for the sake of a couple of others, he maybe ought to have stopped here. Sandworms, men with shrunken heads and an awesome soundtrack make for a cult/fantasy/comedy/ghost story that fills all the criteria.

Well worth every minute.

I guilted my girlfriend into buying it for me when I was ill one year...best moaning I ever did.

Budget: $15,000,000

Gross: $73,707,461

Fun Fact: An animated television series ran between 1989 and 1991. There was of course talk of a sequel, Bettlejuice goes Hawaiian. Sadly Batman Returns took pride of place and despite a few attempts, Winona got too old and Burton became obsessed with Johnny.

Friday the 13th

Now this film's got Craaaaazzzziiiiieeeeee written all over it!

Plot: There's a camp for the kiddies in the woods somewhere, the councillors fail to pay attention and a kid drowns. Twenty years later the camp re-opens and a crazy lady starts offing the new councillors.

This is one of the eighties iconic slasher series. Not only did the film spawn eleven sequels (one in 3D-look out for the TV ariel...dangerous) it also crossed over into another famous slasher series-Nightmare on Elm Street. Think Maniac Cop 2 (where a killer cop and a serial killer team up) but better, 'cos you get Jason and Freddy. Admittedly that spin off wasn't fantastic, but to have a franchise that spreads over 30 years is no mean feat.

A remake, like there seems to often be these days was released to moderate success in 2009 (starring one of the lads from the Supernatual TV series).

Budget: $500,000

Gross: $59,700,000

Fun Fact: The Hollywood game, the seven degrees of Kevin Bacon can include this film also.

The Hitcher

Awesome!!!! In so, so, sooooo many ways!

This is the reason that you don't give a stranger a lift, especially if you're delivering a car from one end of the United States to another.

Plot: Lad is delivering said car, see's a fella hitch hiking and thinks, What's the worst that could happen? and in pops Mr Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner) in a trench coat and an odd look on his face. Thing's are hunky doorey until Ruts' tells the lad (C.Thomas Howell) that he murdered the last fella that gave him a lift and C.Thomas is next...Dun dun Duuuuhhhhhh! C.Thomas boots him out and heads off...then there's the chase!

There is categorically NO reason not to watch this film if you are a fan of horror.

Budget: $6,000,000

Fun Fact: A sequel (also with C.Thomas Howell-cos' he's kinda a crappy actor and doesn't get many good roles) was released in 2003 and the remake (with the legend that is Sean 'I'm a Yorkshire Boy' Bean) in 2007.

La Jetee

Here's an odd one, compared to the rest of these reviews, but certainly no less worthy.

La Jetee (The Pier or The Jetty) is to all intense and purposes, a short film. The only one I'll review. It is also the strong inspiration for the Terry Gilliam feature, Twelve Monkeys. Created by Chris Marker, this film is shot almost entirely from black 'n' white still images and tell the story of a future lived underground, following a holocaust and the time travel experiments to change the past.

If you've see Gilliam's incarnation you'll see he stayed very near to the original. A true homage rather than a remake in any sense. Shot in 1962, I guess similar to Godzilla in it's message, Marker's film is a statement on life as we know/knew it and the way things are potentially headed. I'm doubtful many have likened Marker's stuff to Godzilla before, I hope I'm the first.

 

The Philadelphia Experiment

A film based on a WWII legend. Think Roswell, but, slightly more likely...I guess.

Two sailors are on board the USS Eldridge, they are taking part in an experiment to render the ship invisible to radar. Sadly things go squiffy, the lads jump ship and oddly land in the Nevada dessert. Turns out the experiment created a kind of time vortex, thing. Now the guys are stuck in 1984. That's bad, I remember 1984...pretty dull.

This is another of those oddly alluring films. It touches on patriotism, sci-fi, love and comradeship. The fact that it has this legend attached to it only makes this film that much more fascinating. Try this link for a laugh-

Budget: $?

Gross: $8,103,330

Click on the link for more 'facts', http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_Experiment

Fun Fact: The sequel (which I was rather excited to see at the time-1993) sees a new cast, but this time battling time traveling Nazi's and a Stealth Bomber...good concept, bad film. Co-starring Nancy Allen (RoboCop).

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger

Another of a seemingly inexhaustible back catalogue of films from the stop motion guru Ray Harryhausen.

Plot: On this occasion we follow Mr Sinbad-Patrick Wayne (in the third Harryhausen installment), he's a sailor and the prince of Baghdad. Turns out he fancies a Princess (Jane Seymour) and is all set to marry her, when the Princess's brother (about to be crowned Caliph) is turned into a baboon by their Wicked step mum. So, they hop on Sinbad's ship and head out to find a cure. Along the way they encounter ghouls, a very large killer wasp, a bronze minotaur, a giant walrus, a troglodyte and a saber toothed tiger.  

All good clean fun here. Sinbad and the two films before it are a trilogy unlike any other we might see today and mores the pity. They are fun from beginning to end!

Budget: $3,500,000

Fun Fact: For all you Dr Who geeks out there, the 2nd Doctor- Patrick Troughton is also in this gem.

  

Jaws

Plot: Big shark (Great White variety) trawls through the waters off the vacationers paradise of Amity Island (like Cleethorpes...with sunshine), comes across people and promptly sets about having a snack (clearly fish are too insubstantial for Jaws, as he's a rather large shark), but there's this New York cop (Roy Scheider) who, along with a scientist fella (Richard Dreyfuss) and a sea fairing captain (Robert Shaw) will stop at nothing to arrest his man, Shark, whatever...even if it means overcoming his fear of the big blue sea.

The original summer blockbuster, Jaws to date has raked in over $450,00,000...that's off the back of a $12,000,000 budget.

Fun Fact: The shark (nicknamed Bruce) broke down more than it ever worked (everyone knows that). Charlton Heston and Robert Duvall were both almost cast, except Heston was bigger than the shark (character-wise I mean-not fat or anything) and Duvall didn't wanna be the cop, he wanted to be Quint (the captain).

Godzilla

Prepare yourself...Gojira has arrived!

Filmed in 1952 as an anti-nuclear message film, Godzilla is the film that b-movies around the world for eternity must strive to emulate.

Plot: (meh) big, underwater lizard is mutated by the nuclear tests and fallout from the Japanese bombs, subsequently gets pretty big and goes for a wander on land (Japan being nearest). Seems Godzilla is unfamiliar with those things...what do you call em?...oh yeah, BUILDINGS! So, 'zilla trashes Tokyo and some scientists have to come up with another world changing bomb to end his melee.

Veiled in it's premise and message, Godzilla is the staple 'monster movie'.

A vast array of sequels and spin-offs have arrived over the years to tantalize our senses, 'Godzilla-Final Wars' being one of the most enjoyable (directed by Kitamura, of Versus fame) and with a 2012 incarnation in the pipeline (the first fully CGI and 3D Godzilla story), the franchise clearly knows no limits.

Fun Fact: Godzilla cost twice what Seven Samurai had, which was at the time the biggest Japanese film ever.

Captain America

You know, a lot of bad things have been said about this early adaption of the Marvel hero, but honestly...it could have been so much worse.

Granted, the lead actor is rubbish, admittedly, the story is lacking (not keeping wholly to the origin backstory) and some of the direction seems to have gotten lost (ha haaa), but, the shield is bang on and it's the best you've got til the new film gets released.

Plot: Cap is just some limpy fella, until the American government enhance him by, it would seem, electrocution (rather than the super-soldier serum in the comics) and he heads off to fight the scourge of WWII, the Red Skull (an Italian super baddy with a V2 rocket). Cap gets stuck on said projectile and ends up trapped in the ice in the arctic. Then, in the late 1980s/90s, some scientists find him, he thaws out and tries to catch up and get Red Skull a second time. Red's older, but still feisty and gives Cap a run for his dollars.

It's a bad script. Pale and you wonder why Stan Lee allowed it, but then you realize that the Marvel Studios of the 1980/90s weren't the quite as marketable as the recently sold 2010's Studio (sold to Disney for $4 billion I hear).

Fun Fact: The film was meant to be released to coincide with the Captain America 50th Anniversary, but despite trailers before the Tim Burton Batman, the film headed direct to VHS...and some theatres in Europe (we'll give anything a shot it would seem).

The Entity

Based on the 'factual' events surrounding Doris Blither's poltergeist visitation in 1976 L.A, we are treated to a rather raunchy and pushy ghosty...a tad rapey too.

Plot: Lady (Barbara Hershey) lives with teenage son and two young daughters, is happily working, living her life and attending secretarial school while waiting for her fella to propose, when some invisible, over weight and smelly chap gets a little too frisky and starts raping her. Knowing she's right, but erring on the side of caution, she does what any chick that ain't seen The Exorcist or Poltergeist would, she goes to a therapist (Ron Silver-RIP, The West Wing). He starts all this science mumbo jumbo and that don't work, so some paranormal investigators pop over...then the film gets good.

I saw this film years ago and as an adolescent could understandably barely remember anything but the invisible boob groping. The film is much better than just that, I'll add...though that's well done too.

Fun Fact: Atari made a video game based on the film, but oddly never released it...I wonder why?

Duel

You can't go far wrong when Stevie S directs, and in his first outing he happens to be bulking out a feature version of a Richard Matheson (I am Legend) short story.

Seems for Mr Spielberg there wasn't a great deal to be done script wise. The story follows a salesman, who overtakes a smoke expelling truck on a highway and is promptly chased...alot. That's ya lot folks. It's good though. It shows how much tension and horror can be evoked from such little substance. You can probably name half a dozen similarly themed features with this undertone.

Budget: $450,000

Fun Fact: Matheson's short story was originally published in Playboy magazine.

Arena

Following on from films such as Robot Jox, Arena is a Sci-Fi of a similar ilk. Think Kick Boxer meets a film version of that CGI chess game in Star Wars.

Plot: The year is 4038 and the galaxy/universe derives its entertainment from a inter-species game of ultimate boxing. Creatures and human-like folk from all over gather to come to fisticuffs on stage and grab some cash. It's been quite some time since a human won and as such, competitor Steve Armstrong is looked on not only as the rank outsider, but also as a bit of a joke...so, in true sporting underdog fashion, what's a fella to do?!

Sadly, I've failed to find the budget for this 'masterpiece' of Sci-Fi, so I'll leave it to you to workout.

Fun Fact: Writer Danny Bilson also wrote The Rocketeer and the TV series, The Flash.

Night of the Comet

Within this film we unite two actresses from earlier reviews. Catherine Mary Stewart (The Last Starfighter) and Kelli Maroney (Chopping Mall) play Reggie and Sam, sisters forced to survive in a world caught short on the day a rare comet shoots across the sky.

Plot, as such, the population of the world is reduced to dust or turned to zombie-ish creatures (depending on the extent of your exposure to the comet rays or something) and the only people to be ok are thems that were encased in steel (like a room or truck cabin). So, two sisters go looking around a desolate L.A. and come across a bloke, Robert Beltram (Star Trek Voyager) and both fancy him, because it's the eighties and judging by earlier reviewed film, Chopping Mall, chicks in the eighties are rather loose. Anyway, some government think tank comes to find survivors to test out a serum and stuff.

The best part is actually the narration at the start, which reeks of 1950's nostalgia and is wonderful to boot. If only the rest had gone the same route. There isn't much redeeming about this story, but it's a laugh and shows that Sci-Fi can be accomplished on a shoe string and still look fun, if not all that good.

Budget: $700,00-3,000,000 (disputed between director and studio)
Gross: $14,418,922

Fun Fact: Director Thom Eberhardt wrote the screenplay for Honey, I blew up the kid...urg!

The Breakfast Club

What's a group of malfunctioning teens to do on a saturday detention...?

Directed by 80's legendary director John Hughes (RIP) and starring the cream of the 1980's crop, Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Anthony Michael Hall, this comedic coming of age/realization film is one of a series along the theme. All of which achieved Cult status within a heartbeat of their respective releases; Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink and Something Kind of Wonderful to name but a few.

Set in a high school, a group of kids are punished with detention for an array of misdemeanors. These kids represent all the facets of school popularity and cliques, enough to appeal to viewers on every step of the ladder to acceptance. During their time together, the boys and girls quarrel, fight, eat lunch and reach a new understanding...some even get some tongue action into the bargain.

A mark of the success of this film is in it's cultural impact as well as the gross: $45,875,171.

 Fun Fact: The role of the tough loner was originally cast with John Cusack, with Nicholas Cage in the running for a while also, before going to Judd.

Slaughterhouse-Five

This adaptation of a cult Kurt Vonnegut novel, lives up to and cements the already iconic status of the existing story.

The film follows Billy pilgrim, a WWII soldier unstuck in time and as such yo-yoing between the front, a Dresden prisoner of war camp, home (twenty or so years on) and a human zoo on the alien planet of Tralfamadore...but thankfully, he's joined by a sex starlet and lives happily ever after.

Vonnegut must have been a joy at a dinner party. His imagination sees the boundaries, then hop, skips and jumps over them.

Fun Fact: Vonnegut loved this film! He gushed over how amazingly true he saw it to his own work. The film also won the Prix du Jury at the 1972 Cannes Film Festival.

The Abyss

Following on from Titanic cinematic success (ha ha), James Cameron, the one man film mogul, brought aliens again to the big screen...this time he found them deep in the worlds ocean.

Starring Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio as the separated married heroes, playing opposite cameron fav, Michael Biehn (Aliens grunt leader guy), we witness first contact with the UFO's (Unidentified Floating Objects) and the varied human reactions they illicit. Using technology to the maximum, as ever he does, Mr Cameron re-develops and and expounds on the legend of Sci-Fi film making and pushes the audience to lose themselves in an epic of fantastic proportions.

In case you missed it, this is my favourite of the Cameron back catalogue.

Budget:$70,000,000
Gross: $110,000,000

Fun Fact: Cameron wrote the first draft of Rambo-First Blood. Also, the breathing liquid in the film is a real invention...awesome!

Gremloids

Possibly one of, if not the worst Sci-Fi films of all time...that and Starcrash.

A clear parody of Star Wars, Gremloids follows Lord Buckethead (I'm not kidding) and his quest to dominate the peoples of the universe.

I don't need to say much about the film, but the stand out scene has to be where our heroes are chased, on flying shopping trolleys, through a supermarket. Truly inspired film making.

Oh and by the way, the poster makes the film look much better than it really is. Imagine you'd tried to make a science fiction film in the 1980's on a budget of £3.50...I give you Gremloids!

Fun Fact: Lord Buckethead stood as an independent in the UK general elections in both 1988 and 1992, against Maggy Thatcher and John Major...he actually topped 150 votes one year.

Time After Time

Now, just imagine your name is H.G.Wells, you're a bit of a 1890's Gent and you happen to have invented a time machine. So, you get all ya mates over to brag. Thing is, one of ya mates (a well respected doctor) also happens to be Jack the Ripper. Then imagine that the old bill turn up at ya door  chasin' the fella...what do you think Jack's gonna do?!

That's right! Jack hops in the machine and hightails it to 1979 San Francisco...as you would. Thankfully for H.G, he's got some kinda return to sender on the machine and he gets it back, then heads of after him and finds himself a duck outta water...yada yada yada.

It's a fun twist on the whole Time Machine and Ripper stories. Two of the best from the nineteenth century actually. Malcolm McDowell does moderately well as Mr Wells and David Warner (you'll recognize him- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II) is dark, but not quite menacing enough as Mr Ripper (more blood curdling please).

Fun Fact: Director Nicholas Meyer was nominated for the Edgar Allen Poe Award for Best Motion Picture Screenplay.

Ghost World

Adapted from a comic by Daniel Clowes (not a super-hero one I'll add) and directed by Terry Zwigoff (Crumb and Bad Santa), this tale follows a pair of unimpressed/disenchanted teens, recent high-school graduates, deciding what to do with their lives following a decision not to attend college. 

Starring Thora Birch (fresh from American Beauty fame), Scarlett Johansson (fresh from Eight Legged Freaks fame) and co-starring Steve Buscemi (not so fresh from Reservoir Dogs fame), this film is dry, understated and engrossing in its mundanity. 

Ghost World is one of the new breed of cult films. With conversation led comic adaptations getting the film treatment almost as readily as the action led variety, it's good to see that intelligent and witty writing still flourishes in the land of hopes and dreams.

Budget: $7,000,000

Gross: $8,761,393

Line of the film: "I'm taking a remedial high school class for fuck ups and retards!"

Fun Fact: The film was released in 2001 on only five screens...and still, eventually made a worldwide profit.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

In 1975, a group of oddities known collectively as Monty Python created a comedic retelling of the life of Arthur, king of the Britons (the fella with the round table and some knightly mates).

Plot: Arthur is off to find a few decent blokes (not like the silly ones at Camelot, who sing and dance and stuff) to help him on his holy quest to find the cup of Christ. On his way he meets Sir Galahad the Pure (and oh so chaste), Sir Robin (a bloody coward), Sir Lancelot the Brave (possibly Gay?) and an overly brave and deluded knight capable of sustaining loss of all limbs and still trying to fight. Along route, the gang of misfits encounter shrubberies, the very large forest dwelling knights who say Ni and the fearsome Rabbit of Caerbannog.

If you were to look up odd, silly and ridiculous in a dictionary, the faces of John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Graham Chapman and Michael Palin would stare back at you and grin inanely.

Only children and people who have seen this film understand the pleasure that can be derived from wetting one's self. Joyous!

Budget: (doing it in £ this time) £229,575
Gross: £80,371,739

Fun Fact: With the monsterous popularity this film has enjoyed, it's no surprise that a musical version was created and has performed worldwide, Spamalot.

The Quiet Earth

This 1985 New Zealand film takes depressive futures to a new high...low...whatever.

Plot: Fella wakes up (scientist bloke) and finds that everybody had vanished. No radio signals, no T.V, no nuthin'! Turns out, he's been involved in an experiment for a global energy grid, but it all went a bit squiffy and everyone is dead...everyone apart from a chick and a Maori fella (seems they died accidentally at the same time as the scientist fella and somehow that means they live). We all know that a car with three wheels doesn't corner well. What happens with an emotionally charged threesome?!

I saw this film as a young teen and it's haunted me ever since. A great tale, both moral and timely.

Budget: $1,000,000
Gross: ?

West World

Plot: In the near...ish future (1973), folk go to amusement parks, just like today. However, amusement parks of the future are not quite the Alton Towers and Disney happy that we enjoy today. Making use of technology for activities of all sorts (that means robots, for nookie and stuff), future blokes and birds nip to the park and play about in Medieval, Roman and Wild Western worlds. Thing is, when robots go bad, who stops 'em?

Starring Yul Brynner (Magnificent Seven) in one of the many roles this icon is remembered for, James Brolin (father of Josh Brolin) and written by Michael 'Jurassic Park' Crichton, West World is one of the first scary Sci-Fi's. It takes technological marvel and douses it in fear and paranoia.


Fun Fact: There is a sequel, Futureworld, there was a short lived TV show, Beyond West World and Quentin Tarantino and Arnold Schwarzenneger were approached about a remake. West World was also the first film to use CGI.     

Weird Science

Just imagine you're a teenage boy...ok, got it? Now, imagine you can't get a girlfriend...got that? Good. Now, imagine you and your equally geeky mate decide to create a girl on your 1980's home computer...and you'll need to wear bra's on ya heads too...ok, now watch Weird Science.

Directed by the recently departed legend, John Hughes (The Breakfast Club), Weird Science encapsulates every fantasy a teenage boy has, hot chick (Kelly LeBrock-all for you), popularity, parties, drinking...and some mutant biker guys too (not in my fantasy I'll add).

This film, erm...advised me on masturbation, that's all I'll say (when I was young I mean!).

Very, very funny!

Budget: $7,500,000
Gross: $14,739,936

Fun Fact: There was a TV series in 1994, running for an astounding 88 episodes...pretty awful though. Look out for a young Robert Downey Jr as the High School bully...what a git and Bill Paxton (Aliens) as a rather insensitive elder brother.

The Final Countdown aka U.S.S Nimitz

Plot: In 1980, the USS Nimitz happens to sail through a kinda rip in time. As luck would have it, they happen to pop out just before them pesky Japanese decide to do some bombing on a harbour in Hawaii. Now, the real question, other than how the hell did we get here and how the hell do we get back, is what the hell do we do now?!

It's the age old question...if you could go back and kill Hitler when he was a child, would you?

Starring Kirk Douglas (old legend) and Martin Sheen (new...ish legend), this film does well, despite a limited budget and clearly average special effects (ha ha, I used 'average' and ''special' in conjunction), to come up with an enthralling concept and a joy to all alternate history buffs. The aircraft alone are a brilliant reason for tuning in.

Fans of The Philadelphia Experiment will love this one.

Budget: $12,000,000

Gross: $16,647,800

Fun Fact: Kirk Douglas was nominated for the Saturn Award for Best Actor, but having seen this film, I imagine it's more for his reputation than his performance in this outing.

Prayer of the Rollerboys

This is what happens during a recession...watch out UK.

So, the USA has hit a bit of a down turn. The economy has gone belly up and as always when society goes a bit funky, drugs and vice run rife. On this occasion we see our lead actor, Corey Haim (RIP) working as a pizza delivery guy, trying to make ends meet and look after himself and his younger brother. Corey meets a chick, Patricia Arquette, a cop and the pair get down to the nasty. There's also a gang that sells drugs and skate around on roller blades and wear beige trench coats too, sort of an early trench coat mafia type of thing. Corey has to save the day.

All told, this is a pretty bad film.

The main bad guy looks like a hybrid of Keifer Sutherland and Corey Haim...like, if they'd mated, somehow...

Fun Fact: Corey Haim was nominated as Best young Actor at the Saturn Awards.

Robot Jox

50 years after the Nuclear War, the surviving super nations decided that while they weren't buddies, it was best that full scale encounters be halted. With that in mind, they figured gladiatorial battles would be better.
Forget Kirk Douglas, forget Russell Crowe, what the future really needs, is Gary Graham!

Hang about...you never heard of Gary Graham?! Really?...yeah, me neither.

Any who, Gary gets in this giant armoured robot with projectiles and lasers and stuff and fights for the Western Market (USA mainly) against the Russian Confederation. The winners win countries. Bit stressful, but better than all out war.

It's good. Really...ok, it's average, even though it's written by Sci-fi supremo Joe Haldeman (Forever War-soon to be directed by Ridley Scott).

It had an estimated budget of $10,000,000! I don't know how, 'cos mainly it looks like Ray Harryhausen went Sci-fi with his stop motion stuff.

Fun Fact: There's a sequel, Crash and Burn.

Rocky

What can you honestly say about this film that hasn't been said?

It's a story that carries through the generations and obviously, so do the sequels...of which there are many.

Plot: Rocky, a good, but average boxer is picked out of a hat to face the heavy weight champion of the world. Fancying himself in with a shout, the softly spoken and understated ruffian trains loads, usually to musical accompaniment and montage, fights the champ and, well...you know the rest.

Shot in 1976, on a budget of $1,000,000 this film made over $225,000,000!!!!

What?!!!!!

Stallone even wrote the thing!

Fun Fact: Roger Ebert (famous film reviewer, like what I am, obviously) gave the film 4/4 and likened Stallone to a young Brando. Best Film, Best Director and Best Editing honours were won at the 1976 Academy Awards.

Point Break

Think what you will about the acting talents of messers Reeves and Swayze, in this iconic film, the pair work.

Directed by Oscar winner Kathryn Bigelow, this 1991 crime/surfing film is awesome in so many ways.

Plot: Mr Keanu Reeves is a former college football star, injured, he joins up with the FBI (as you do) and forms a partnership with Mr Gary Busey. Mr Busey is on the trail of these bank robbers, the ex-presidents and staunchly believes them to be surfers, robbing banks where the breaks are best. How do you usually catch bad guys in these films? You go undercover. Busey as a surfer might not work, so in goes Reeves.

He meets this chick, Lori Petty (Tank Girl) and gets a few lessons. Then they hook up with Mr Swayze and do some surfing and some sky diving.  

Honestly, you can't go wrong with this film. It has all the action and cultural homages that a cult film requires and more importantly...it has SWAYZE!!!! (RIP).

Budget: $24,000,000
Gross: $83,531958

Fun Fact: The film went through a couple of titles before settling on Point Break, with Johnny Utah (after the lead character) and Riders of the Storm also touted. Swayze cracked four ribs during the film and leapt from a plane 55 times...I'm guessing 'cos he kinda liked it in the end?

Legend

In 1985, Ridley scott (fella that made Alien) fancied making a fantasy film. So, he got himself a young lad on his way up the old acting laddery thingy, Tom Cruise, a rather tasty young lady named Mia Sara (Ferris Bueller's Day Off) and some fella named Tim Curry.

Plot: The Devil (that'll be Tim, in oodles of red paint and with very large antlers on 'is 'ed) decides he wants to take over never never land (or somethin'), but to do that he needs to stop the daylight. Now, as we all know, the only way to do that is to nick off with a couple of Unicorn horns...you with me so far? Good. So, Devily bloke sets his Goblin underlings after them. To find the Unicorns they follow Tom (as he knows where they 'ang out) and Mia to a bit of forest somewhere. Anyway, there's plenty more, but I'll not ruin it...that and I can't be bothered carrying on, it's all so fantastic (ha haaaa).

Budget: $30,000,000
Gross: $15, 502,112

Bit of a box office bomb, mainly for the romantic rambling and general weirdness of it all, but definitely a cult classic now.

Fun Fact: Unsurprisingly, the film received the Best Make-up Oscar nomination that year.

Excalibur

Ok, I like an Arthurian legend film as much as the next bloke...possibly even more, but off the back of Sword in the Stone (a Disney classic), with comic wolves, owls with large eyes and wizards in bermuda shorts, it's entirely possible that my pre-pubescent mind might have had a difficult time with this version.

Plot: So there's this the king and Merlin's his mate. King says to Merlin, I right fancy that lassie in the other castle. Merlin says to King, bit naughty that. King says, hook me up or we ain't friends no more Merl. So, Merlin makes the King look like the other King, so he can gets his 'rocks off' (not the Primal Scream version...or maybe it is?), then Arthur comes along and pulls the sword from the stone (as there ain't any in the line of succession anymore), then there's a round table, a load a knights and for some reason or other, Arthurs' mate Lancelot is a bit of a bounder and shags Arthurs' mrs (this scene's a tad graphic...as is most of the flick).

Still, I kinda like it. There's loads a shiny knights, sword play (no jokes please) and a bit of magic.

Budget: No clue?
Gross: $34,967,437

Fun Fact: It's got Gabriel Byrne, Liam Neeson, Patrick Stewart and a rather raunchy Helen Mirren (like she'd ever be anything else?!) as the evil half-sis Morgana.

Mad Max

Set and shot on the dirt high ways of Australia, Mad Max is the story of Max Rockatansky (Mel Gibson), a policeman in a world where an apocalypse is right around the corner, following the collapse of the oil based world, when the wells ran dry.

Plot: The leader of a motorcycle gang escapes police custody, but being the main man, Max, chases him and it results in the leaders death. Bit later, the blokes gang come across Max's family on their summer holiday and kill 'em. Max goes nuts and then there's a couple of sequels.

Leather clad and driving the atypical muscle car, this is the character that shaped post-apocalyptic cinema.

Budget: $650,000

Gross: $100,000,000 (over the years I assume)

Released in the early summer of 1979, Mad Max was directed by George Miller, who would subsequently go on to film the second, third and is still, even now, some thirty years on, endeavoring to create the forth; Mad Max-Fury Road...possibly animated.

Fun Fact: Mel turned up to his Mad Max audition black and blue, following a drunken brawl the previous night. "We need freaks", stated the casting agent.

Enter the Dragon

In 1973, The Deadly Three (originally titled, Blood and Steel) was released as Enter the Dragon. In the final film in a glittering career (responsible for changing cinema going for ever), Bruce Lee Kung-fu chopped, kicked, slapped and loads more things 'ed...his way through a cacophony of villains on the island of the evil Mr Han, at the urging of a British Intelligence officer and with the aide of a couple of other blokes, Jim Kelly and John Saxon, having all been invited to a contest of skills.

Script-wise, you can't say much about this film (despite being co-written by Lee himself). It was however the pre-cursor to a slew of would be martial arts tournament films, Jean Claude Van Damme vehicle-BloodSport, most notably.

It is the film by which most action films, martial arts ones mainly, are judged. Long may directors try to better it. I look forward to the results.

Budget: $850,000
Gross: $90,000,000 (world wide and over a bit of time too)

Fun Fact: Stunts were provided by Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung among others. There's also a cameo by Bolo Yeung, the bad guy in BloodSport.

Idle Hands

Few studios can be said to have the courage to commit to a cautionary tale about the perils of laziness and the subsequent results...bravo Columbia Pictures (never again I dare say).

Plot: Slacker/loser/pot smoking/lay about Anton (Devon Sawa-best known for being in Final Destination and the Eminem video, Stan) and his possessed hand. Basically, the hand is infected by a demon (effectively) that is in search of a soul to take back to hell. In the spirit of every demonic possession film, there's a religious sort after it, this time it's a Druidic High Priestess in the form of Vivica A. Fox (Kill Bill), chasing it.

It's a ridiculous concept. Think teen comedy meets Cheech and Chong meets The Exorcist meets Addams Family. Cousin IT on a murderous rampage...with laughs.

Not the best return at the box office though.

Budget: $25,000,000
Gross: $4,152,230

Fun Fact: In addition to the delights of Jessica Alba's bum in small pants, we are also graced with Nightmare on Elm Street legend Robert Englund, as the voice of the maniacal hand.

The Neverending Story

Never ending storrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, na na naaaaa na na naaaaaa na na naaaaaaaa, never ending storrrrrrryyyyyyy.

So, now you know the song, lets all sing along.

Plot: Kid gets bullied at school, runs away to the book shop (as you would when you're an 8 year old boy), finds a book, the old man who runs the shop tells him he can't have it, kid nicks the book and high tails it to the dark and dusty attic of his high school to read it. Inside said book is another world, this world, as he reads it comes to life. It's got rock giants, sphinxes, big talking turtles, pointy nosed little folk, a scary wolf (I had nightmares over this thing for years-wimp, I know) and a Luck Dragon (wish on him him and it comes true).

Directed by Wolfgang Petersen (das boot, Air Force One) and starring nobody of note, this film sadly failed to recoup it's budget, like so many eventual cult films.

Budget: $27,000,000
Gross: $20,158,808

Fun Fact: The film is adapted from a German book by Michael Ende, published in 1979 and went on to spawn two sequels. Ende believed that the content of the film was so far removed from that of the novel, he had his name removed from the credits.

The theme song got to number 4 in the UK singles chart in 1984 (nice).

Labyrinth

I hate Paul Bettany!

Do you know why? Because he stole Jennifer Connelly from me!
I saw her first! I watched Labyrinth at least twenty times as a kid. I put in the ground work. Not fair!

Plot: Teenage girl, Sarah Williams (Connelly) is rather miffed at being lumped with her toddler, little brother, while her parents go off having fun. So, with an odd interest in goblins and fantasy, she calls upon the Goblin king (David Bowie) to take the child away...thing is, he does.

The following 80 minutes sees Sarah scouring the Jim Henson universe, looking for her brother and meeting a variety of decidedly peculiar creatures en-route.  

This fantasy feature is a musical and it is with Bowies performance and that of the young Miss Connelly that this film stands tall, with songs like Magic Dance, that are catchy and timeless. The film was oddly a box office failure, but any child of the eighties will happily tell you that this story was memorable and cult in many ways...not least for the barrage of Muppets.

Budget: $25,000,000
Gross: $12,729,917

Fun Fact: This was Henson's final film before he died in 1990 and was produced by George 'i rule the universe' Lucas. Strangely enough, or not, there's also a manga comic sequel.

Office Space

Funny does not quite describe this understated comedy.

Created by the Beavis and Butt-head maestro himself, Mike Judge, this live action film follows the life of a terminally depressed office drone, Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingstone-Band of Brothers) and his realization (under hypnosis) that life can be so much better if he just doesn't care.

With that in mind, Peter sets out to shirk his every responsibility. Very successfully.

There are true comic moments in this film, moments that you laugh at to yourself, out loud (and subsequently embarrass yourself in public).

I'll leave leave this review with one thought...damn it feels good to be a gangster!

Budget: $10,000,000
Gross: $10,827,813

Fun Fact: There's a series of spin-offs with the office odd-ball, Milton (played in magnificently understated fashion by Stephen Root).

American Flyers

In 198...something, Kevin Costner wasn't KEVIN COSTNER. Kevin Costner was an actor on his way up (actually only two years away from the lead role in The Untouchables), mainly because that's the way you go when you can't get much lower. That being said, he made this film. It's all about the Tour de France...sorry, sorry, I mean whatever the equivalent in America may be.

Plot: Two brothers (one terminally ill) go on a bicycle ride through the Colorado Rocky mountains and race against a whole load of other riders too.

This film's one of my guilty pleasures...read into that what you will.

Fun Fact: Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing) has a bit part and Alexandra Paul's in it too (the average looking one from Baywatch).

Bubba Ho-tep

One of the more recent cult films to be reviewed on this blog, Bubba Ho-tep is a delight from beginning to middle to end.

Starring Bruce 'the chin' Campbell (see earlier Evil Dead review) as The King (that's Elvis to you non believers), retired from the limelight, having swapped places as the height of his success with a doppelganger and ended up in a shady retirement home for the clearly, mentally deranged. I say this only because Bruce happens to share accommodation with JFK, played by Ossie Davis (Ossie happens to be a man of colour, JFK, if I remember rightly, wasn't, although Ossie explains this away masterfully).

So, The King and JFK hang out and one day, on its tour of the south lands of the US of A, a truck, carrying a container with a rather dried out old Egyptian Mummy inside, bucks a road and it's set loose. Cue the greatest of all slow-mo scenes, involving an aged rock star with a zimmer frame, an aged president in a motorized wheelchair and an even more aged mummy. Let battle commence.

Wonderful! 


Budget: $1,000,000

Fun Fact: Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She-Vampires is due for release soon...ish.

The Terminator

I can't see it being very popular really. I mean, come on?!

Plot: Bloke pops back from the future in a blue spherical light, naked, then goes around beating people up, stealing clothes and developing what can only be seen as a real reason for a restraining order, when he begins stalking an array of permed, 1980's ladies, who all happen to be named Sarah Connor.
As obsessions go, you'd think one lady, one stalker'd be enough...wrong! Another bloke pops back, this fella happens to just be interested in one of the Sarah's in the LA phone book, the one with a moped and a pet Lizard.

Did I mention that the first bloke is a robot, with skin and he's Arnold Schwarzenegger? Sorry, must have forgotten that bit.

So, you've all seen it, so what, watch it again!

Below is one of my favourite 1980's film posters, wonderful mainly in the cheap and nasty aspect of it.

Budget: $6,500,000
Gross: $78,371,200

Fun Fact: Number one in the cinema charts until it's third week, when the "classic" Oh, God! You Devil (Starring the cigar aficionado, George Burns) took it's place.

  

The Straight Story

In as far an opposite direction as this blog is capable, I here by present a David Lynch/Walt Disney production (based on a true story) about a bloke on a lawn mower, traveling half the continental United States to see his brother.

Alvin (Richard Farnsworth), an elderly WWII veteran, living at home with his mentally handicapped daughter (Sissy 'i love to bathe in blood' Spacek), hears that his equally elderly and estranged brother Lyle (Harry Dean Stanton) has suffered a stroke. Realizing that this may very well be his last opportunity to put past quarrels to bed, Alvin (not having a drivers license and/or car) sets out to fix up his trusty John Dere lawnmower and pop over two rather larger states (Iowa and Wisconsin-approx 240 miles) and say good by.

David Lynch isn't renowned for this kind of feel good film, but his talent lends itself perfectly. Richard Farnsworths' performance as Alvin is flawless, not least for the fact the actor was terminally ill with bone cancer all through production and had even lost the power of his legs.

Fun Fact: Richard Farnsworth was nominated for the Best Actor Oscar at the age of 80, for his portrayal of this role...the oldest actor ever. The film was also nominated for Best Feature at the Cannes Film Festival.

The Exorcist

I damn near wet myself when I first saw this film...I still often feel the need to relieve myself when viewing it even now...at 31 yrs.

Max Von Sydow (Ming the Merciless) is one of them religious sorts...Priests I think they're called. So, Max hears about this girl, she's about ten ish, seems to have a tendency to swivel her head (all the way around-odd really), is clearly not a fan of pea green soup (given her capacity for regurgitation) and is able to contort her body to the point she can descend stairs backwards and inverted...bravo!

I kid you not, this is a wonderfully...scary film!

Standing, even now as the most profitable horror film of all time, a budget of $12-15,000,000 can easily be justified when the studio reaps returns of over half a billion dollars. There are numerous sequels, as you might imagine...I urge you to give 'em a miss, really not worth it. Stick to the cult classic.

Fun Fact: Mike Oldfield did the music. The cinemas also provided 'barf bags' for viewers...just in case.

An American Werewolf in London

Fresh off the back of The Blues Brothers, director John Landis created this charming story of wildlife on the Yorkshire Moors. Sadly, the wildlife in this feature is really rather wild.

Two American tourists pop over to Britain and take a wander through the countryside. Unbeknownst to them, there happens to be a little case of Lycanthropy in the nations largest county and unfortunately for them, it's contagious through nibbling...on them. So, eventually, the surviving Yank ends up in London and there's the title for ya.

To give you a clue as to how phenomenal the Special effects/Make up are in this film, the Academy Awards committee created the 'Outstanding Achievement in Makeup' award, especially for effects guru Rick Baker in 1981.

Budget: $10,000,000
Gross: $30,565,292

The Evil Dead

In 1981, a horror film emerged from the woods with the power to scare all who viewed it. It was dark, mysterious, spooky and ominous...but that wasn't what scared the public, No! The most terrifying element of this feature was the lead actors chin!!!!

Plot: The Evil Dead tells the story of a fella ( the cult legend that is Bruce 'the chin' Cambpell ) and his four mates, who head off to a rickety old cabin, somewhere deep in the woods. Once they arrive they find an evil book (not the same one in the Care Bears movie, but I imagine pretty close) and a tape recording of the spells inside said book. Game for a laugh, someone presses PLAY...then there's all this Demon stuff that happens...

Fun Fact: The film took the better part of a year and a half to finish, what with it being low budget and all. All the actors quit long before the end, with stand-ins being used for completion...all except Bruce Campbell (now there's a dedicated bloke). Assistant editing was by Joel Coen.

There's even a Musical version! Check out this link; http://www.youtube.com/watch?hl=en&v=NeLUi_20Nrg&gl=US

Dazed and Confused

Directed by Richard Linklater (Before Sunrise & Before Sunset) and with a host, a HOST I say, of stars, this feature captures the final days of a group of senior high-school students and the resulting 1970's madness that ensues during their first 'free' evening.

I think the best way to describe this feature is to reference it to you and your nights. I'll ask the question, did you ever have one of those nights, I mean all night long, that felt like it was still, like the events of that night were yours and would last forever? A night where you and your mates did something crazy and or scary, your heart pounded and it lives on in infamy with you all? An evening where you cemented your lifelong bond to said friends (through embarrassment or 'legendary' act). Where you drank for the first time? Or where you met that girl and you've never been able to forget her?

Well, this film is that night.

Bolstered by the creme-de la creme of film soundtracks (Alice Cooper, The Runaways, ZZ Top, Lynyrd Skynyrd, KISS, Black Sabbath and so many more!) and the discovery of 'talent' such as Matthew McConaughey and supported by Adam Goldberg (Two Days in Paris), Milla 'show me the zombies' Jovovich, Ben Affleck (no? me neither) and Parker Posey (A Mighty Wind), this film brings all the ingredients together to create a superb experience.

Fun Fact: Quentin Tarantino placed Dazed and Confused on his 12 greatest films list in 2002.

Line of the film: "That's what I love about these high school girls, man, I get older, they stay the same age".

Dawn of the Dead

Now, ordinarily I'd review the first in a series of cult films/sequels...on this occasion I've opted for the second, the Dawn.

A legend in everything zombie, George Romero (father of the zombie genre) brought us this scathing statement on consumerism in 1970's America and the World.

Like all zombie films, the story starts or continues, following the trail of a rag-tag group of holocaust survivors and their search for a zombie/infection free haven...cue the discovery of the quintessentially American institution...The MALL!!!!

A mecca for all that is commerce and decadence (in the late 1970's), the Mall provides security (doors and high walls), fun (arcades and shopping) and quite a bit of food. Sadly, this escape proves dull with time and  inevitably leads to conflict and the arrival of other people.

Unlike modern, flight of foot zombies, Romero's creatures are true to the stereotype (lurching) and slow to capture their prey, but given his purest nature, Romero's 'things' make short work of their prey once caught (a tip of the hat to Tom Savini-a cult in himself and cameo as the biker leader) in typically gory fashion.    

Budget: 500,000
Gross: 55,000,000

Fun Fact: Dario Argento (the Italian horror/gore legend) did some of the music and was instrumental (ha ha) in gaining funding for this sequel.

The Big Lebowski

At the end of the last century, cinema took a turn, it went a little to the left and just kept on going...

as such, we now have a generation of people obsessed with the 'religion' of The Dude!

This particular Coen brothers opus is singularly responsible for a vast up shoot in the sales of 'White Russian' cocktails. 

Told initially in narration by Sam Elliot, we are introduced to Jeffrey Lebowski, or as we will soon come to love him...The Dude, a man who allows nothing to hurry, influence or disturb his love of the slow life, albino beverages and bowling.

I won't be delving further into a review of this film, simply because to do so would only detract from an 'experience' all should enjoy. 

If you haven't seen it, I'm surprised, but I also envy you. Thankfully, repeated viewings of this masterpiece do nothing to dwindle or diminish this thrill.

Cast: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore, Peter Stormare, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Tara Reid.

Line of the film? "I told those fucks down at the league office thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!" 

Major League

From Charlie Sheen to Corbin Bernsen and Wesley Snipes to Tom Berenger, this baseball debacle has a world of fun (they play the 'World Series'...get it?!).

So, the Cleveland Indians have just lost their owner and his death has passed management onto his Vegas, Showgirl wife, who decides that the local climate is rather dour for her and promises to get the gate receipts sooooo low, that she can re-locate to Miami! To do this, she needs players, bad players, really bad players. Charlie Sheen (Wild Thing), a minor league convicted felon, Corbin Bernsen, a one time good player (bit of a girl now though), Tom Berenger, the nearly ran guy and Wesley Snipes, the fast talkin', fast runnin' bloke, all set out to prove the owner, the city and the press wrong and win the league!

It's also got the president from 24 in it (as a voodoo bloke)...awesome!

I always quite enjoyed this film. Silly, yes. Failure, no.

Budget: $11,000,000
Gross: $49,797,148

Fun Fact: This film spawned two sequels, all three films starring Corbin Bernsen and Dennis Haysbert (president 24 fella)...and yes, I've seen 'em all!

Little Shop of Horrors

My favourite musical...just after The Blues Brothers.

One day, in a the borough of Skid Row-New York City, a terrible threat to human existence is discovered by a young man named Seymour, who works in a florists...the threat? A PLANT! Dun dun durrrrrrrr!

So, this little plant (Audrey II) looks a lot like a chubby Venus Fly-trap, except, it eats more than flies...like people and stuff. It also talks and sings (voiced by Levi Stubbles, of Four Tops fame)...well!

Based on the off Broadway musical of the same name and in its second film outing, this film features the creme de la creme of comedy performers; Steve Martin (particularly iconic as a sadistic dentist), Bill Murray (as a masochistic patient of said dentist), John Candy (Disc Jockey) and Christopher Guest, to name but a few.

Budget: Directed by Yoda (Frank Oz), shot on the Albert (Cubby) Broccoli stage at Pinewood studios (England) for around $30,000,000, this version dwarfs the 1960's, Roger Corman effort by a good $29,970,000.

Fun Fact: Steven Spielberg was going to produce and Martin Scorsese direct...in 3D. Check out Youtube for alternate endings.