Bachelor Party

My word, do I have vivid memories of this film. Entirely likely for the high nudity content and that fact that I was the ripe old age of ten when I saw this film.

Recommended for all pre and pubescent boys....and even a few post fellas.

Plot: Tom Hanks is a high school bus driver and he's getting married. To make the most of his limited free time, his buddies arrange a Stag Party, or Bachelor Party. Thus begins a night of debauchery and bestiality the likes of which Hollywood would delay in repeating until The Hangover and even then, not so well as this effort.

Don't wanna say too much, but look out for the male stripper scene, hilarious!

Budget: $6,000,000

Gross: $38,400,000

Fun Fact: Co-stars Michael Dudikoff (American Ninja 1,2 and 4). There is a sequel, but it's the name only variety, no continuity.

Total Recall

Whoops. Thought I'd reviewed this long ago. Guess not. Here you go, better late than never.

Plot: Fella (Arnold Schwarzenegger) keeps dreamin' a Mars, a place he ain't never gone ta, but really, really wants ta. So, after he's done with his day job, he pops along to Rekall, where if you ain't got the time or money for the real holiday, the company will insert a fake, but totally real feelin' memory of your chosen destination. But wait, there's more. You can be someone else too. Not just boring old you, no, you can be a playboy or a sports star or even... a secret agent. Oh yeah!

So, into the funky future chair ya sit, off ta sleep ya go and upon your awakening, you've had a swell time and even saved Mars in the process. Sweet. All good, unless something goes tits up and guess what...?

Well worth the watch. Not least for the ever awesome 80's power of Arnie, but for the special effects, the story (based on the Philip K. Dick novel) but also for the directing- Paul Verhoeven, the fella behind other spacey awesomeness as Robocop and Starship Troopers.

Budget: $50-60,000,000 A massive budget in 1990 and still pretty darn big now)

Gross: $261,299,840

Line of the film: "That's your wife?...What a Bitch!".

Fun Fact: There was a TV show- Total Recall 2070. Never saw it, never heard of it 'til now. David Cronenberg also wrote 10 drafts of the script before he gave it up as a bad job.

Village of the Damned

I love all things John Carpenter, even his crazy moustache and his delight in 80's synth musak, but I didn't exactly enjoy this effort.

Plot: After a spate of narcolepsy, wherein an entire village goes to beddy-byes, the female populous soon find out that they have all been blessed with pregnancies. That'd be fine, except many of the ladies were without partners at the time and as such, immaculate conception became a little concerning. Never the less, they decide to keep the kids and are even lucky enough to have their medical debts paid by a nice lady from the US Government- Kirstie Alley. Over the course of the following few years, it becomes clear that our silver haired kids take the occasional painful accident to heart and as such, kill off offenders.

The adults of the sleepy little town of Midwich (ha ha, sleepy) get a touch miffed at their over reactions and as such go on a bit of a witch hunt. What is it with small town pitch fork mafias? Well, it's down to the town doc- Christopher Superman Reeve to save the day.

Can he?

Budget: $22,000,000

Gross: $9,417,567

Fun Fact: Look out for the appearance by Mark Hamill (Star Wars) as the town Reverend, very funny.

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight

When Tales from the Crypt finished on TV, it was inevitable that a few films would follow.
Here's Demon Knight.


Plot: Introduced by our now Hollywood Crypt Keeper, we follow a car, chased down the highway at 100 mph. William Sadler (Death from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey) seeks refuge in an old church, now converted for the waifs and strays of society. Inside he finds Uncle Willy (Dick Miller- Gremlins), Thomas Hayden Church (Sideways) and Jada Pinkett (pre-Smith). It doesn't take long though for his errant pursuer- Billy Zane to find find him and set upon our hero with a horde of Demons.

Well, now it's up to Mr Sadler must stop Hell on Earth and endure more than one random quip from his hellish assailant.

Budget: $12,000,000

Gross: $21,088,568

Line of the film: "Hell on Earth? Shit. I got Hemeroids!"

Fun Fact: The first draft of the film was written in 1987, with the film passing through the hands of numerous horror film directors and finally landing on the Silver Screen in 1995 under the producership of Mr Silver himself (Joel).

Equinox

Clay-mation and The Devil. Sounds like a Black Sabbath song.

Plot: A fella is sent to a Lunatic Asylum following a hit and run. Seems he's a touch demented- going on about a book of Good and Evil, monsters and The Devil, so he's locked up. The young chap claims to have been on a picnic with his mate and two lovely ladies, visiting his professor when they come across a crazed old chap in a cave, a Castle (they don't seem that surprised, despite the fact that this is 1960's USA and they ain't go no Castles there) and The Book. Said book contains within it charms both Good and Evil and is capable of raising mystic forces. These forces manifest mainly on the whim of Asmodeus the Park Ranger, who also happens to be Beelzebub and on a nefarious mission.

Any who, Our hero has to battle badly made Clay monsters, large blue giants, the Devil and survive...

Budget: $6,500 (That's all!)

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Fans of Science Fiction writing will appreciate a small appearance by author- Fritz Leiber. There are a few real similarities between scenes in Equinox and The Evil Dead but Sam Raimi has neither confirmed nor denied it's influence on his film.

Master of the World

So, Jules Verne wrote 20,000 Leagues under the Sea, turns out, he wrote the story twice. On this occasion, the crazy captain has a flying boat instead.

Plot: When a US Government investigator hires an elderly munitions manufacturer, his daughter and his pain in the ass gentleman soon-to-be son-in-law, Charles Bronson must know he's in for a wild ride. Seems there's some kind of oddity happening in a large volcanic crater and Charlie wants to fly over in a balloon (the height of aviation technology- height- get it?!) and have a butchers. Upon nearing the crater, a series of missiles escape the hole and shoot down our adventurers. They survive, but are taken aboard a flying vessel capable of traversing the globe in all of 10 day days, pretty good for the late 1800's!

The fella in charge of the craft is a guy by the name of Captain Robur (Vincent Price- LEGEND!) and it's his mission (self-imposed) to threaten and if needs be, destroy various cities around the world in the hopes of ending warfare.

A very lofty goal (ha ha- I did it again, they just keep coming to me!) I think you'll agree.

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Written for the screen by Richard Matheson (I Am Legend).

Atlantis- The Lost Continent

Atlantis, the lost city/continent/civilization. Here is one of the many of this ilk that MGM and the like popped out in the 60's. This one ain't awful, it just ain't good.

Plot: Demetrius the Greek and his father (he's also Greek in case you were wondering) are fishermen and while out- fishing, Demetrius spies a lone boat, bobbing on the wide open ocean and a sole inhabitant- a Princess from Atlantis with a large ego and bad manners. Anyway, Demetrius falls for her and agrees to nab his dads boat and bugger off past the Pillars of Hercules and into the unexplored and dreaded sea beyond in the hopes of taking Princess Bitchy-Gob home. So, they come across a metal sea creature, turns out to be some of her people in a submarine and they head to Atlantis.

One they get there, the Princess buggers off and Demetrius is forced into slavery and put to work at the mines. Well, she forgets about him, then  remembers, then asks daddy to help, though he's old and has lost his power to a new idealistic war-monger and, well, they're off ta war with the world and they're gonna use a great big crystal laser thingy ta do it!

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: When the vast difference between the costumes that were re-used from other MGM films was pointed out, George Pal (Director/Producer) simply stated "Who knows?". Apt, it is Hollywood after all. Stop being so picky.