The Rats AKA Deadly Eyes

Based loosely on the James Herbert novel of the same name.

Plot: When a batch of contaminated grain is destroyed by a health inspector, the colony of mutated/giant black rats needs a new home. 

That's it. 

Honestly, there's a couple of romantic interludes and Scatman Crothers makes a timely appearance and exit, but really, that's about it. 

The rats are reminiscent of cuddly toys with teeth and the camera work reminds me of bad TV movies the world over. 

Line of the film: "Ain't that a Bitch?!"

Gross: C$1,500,000

Budget: $?

Fun Fact: Dachshunds wearing rat costumes were without doubt, the stars of the show.

Lobster Man from Mars

When you take the time to watch a B-movie homage, you hope for something good, or rather, bad...and that's exactly what you get here, in all it's ridiculous glory.

Plot: the head of a major film studio, J.P.Shelldrake (Tony Legend Curtis) is in a pickle- due to a few outlandish purchases and a couple of ex-wives, seems he forgot to pay the tax-man and needs a tax write off. In steps a young film maker, Stevie Horowitz, with a rather rotten 1950's style b-movie entitled- Lobster Man form Mars. we now enjoy the entirety of this modern masterpiece, inter-cut with Tony Curtis's reactions. Seems the "men" of Mars are running low on oxygen and the only thing to do is to send a man sized lobster and a gorilla to Earth, nick their air and eat a few soft shelled folk along the way. Except, they never counted on a fella with a bad English accent, his bird and his uncle (Patrick Macnee), who, as luck would have it, turns out to be an expert in Mars men and the like.

Cue: flying Mars bats, helmeted Gorillas, ray guns and a pretty confusing appearance form a Private Investigator with a continual narration and trite, but funny lines. 

Line of the film: "The name's Tommy Sledge PI, Pissed indefinitely".

Budget: $980,000

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Tony Curtis only did the film because he had to make child support payments and the $100,000 they paid him was sorely needed.

The Bermuda Triangle

Urgh.

Yep, urgh.

The Bermuda Triangle is a mystery with the same fictional and creative potential as the Atlantis mythology, but this particular incarnation fails resoundingly to emote much more than a casual glance.

Plot: A cruise boat, populated by an extended family has decided to take in the calm waters around Bermuda. They know the myths, they know the risks, but instead of erring on the side of caution and quite frankly, buggering off and having a nice holiday somewhere else, these wealthy fools take four kids and a bunch of diving equipment to the most notorious part of any ocean and go for a wander around.

The film lacks in pace, story, character development, acting capability and is dubbed from the original Italian version. In short, this film is a colossal failure.

The best thing about it? It's either the poster (which is immensely misleading) or the little girls doll, which at times comes to life.   

Budget: Pah, can't be much.

Gross: Must have been a giant loss.

Fun Fact: Go to IMDB and read the first review you come to. It is quite clear that this reviewer and myself watched very, very different films, http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0078417/. 

Kingdom of the Spiders

Starring

William Shatner

enough said...

but for those of you that insist on a more comprehensive review, here goes:

Plot: Shatner plays "Rack", a chauvinist veterinarian cowboy, living in the Verde Valley-Arizona. Upon a rather strange investigation, it becomes clear that a cow has been bitten to death...by spiders! To be sure, Shatner sends tests to the "Big Smoke", only for an expert (Tiffany Bolling) to arrive and convince him of the dilemma the town now faces.

You'll be happy to know that in-between battling the spider invasion, Shatner takes some time out to romance the leading lady in the most manly of ways.  

While the premise may be trite, the production values are high and quite frankly, hats off to anyone (kids included) that make a film were creep crawlies are, well, creepy crawling their way all over ya.

Line of the film: "Slick as a gnat's ass".

Budget: $500,000

Gross: $17,000,000 (yep, really)

Not so fun fact: A large number of Tarantula were stomped on and run over for the purposes of the film. I'm not a spider fan per-se, but this seems a little harsh to me. At least Spielberg used rubber spiders in Arachnophobia. Shatner tried to write and direct a sequel in the late 80's, but the Cannon film studio went bust before a script could be written.

Rawhead Rex

Hmmm, the title really doesn't hide anything, this is a proper B-movie and cult too.

By that I mean its low budget, bad/basic story, badly acted and worse shot.

Plot: Three Irish fellas are digging in a field (sounds like a joke, kinda is) trying to remove a sort of stone monolith, two of em' bugger off, leaving the farmer to carry on trying. Eventually it gives way, only for a prosthetic faced demon monster to emerge from the soil and rip into his jugular...and that's the rest of it too. Monster keeps killing, 'til an American father (who happens to be in town researching pagan myths) turns up and chases it around and his wife sorts it all out.

Sadly you never find out why he's called Rawhead and they never call him Rex.

Released in December 1986.

Fun Fact: Based on a Clive Barker story, but I can only imagine he forgot to...er, write much. There is also talk of a remake, after Barker is done with the revamped Hellraisers.

976 EVIL

Oooooooooohhhh, waaaaaaaa. Scary.

Actually, the most scary part of this film is the car-phone in the opening sequence, but it's good for a laugh anyway.

Directed by Freddy Krueger himself- Robert Englund, this 1980's horror bonanza is not lacking in blood, but could do better for a touch more fear.

Plot: Two cousins live door to door. One a rebel with a Harley, the other, a momma's boy in pyjamas with a complex. One bored night, the impoverished rebel dials a number on a flyer, this number is 976 EVIL. You'd think this would be hint enough not to call and the fact it calls itself 'Horrorscope' is a trifle obvious too, but, hey ho, guess the lad ain't too clever. So, he calls, hears an ominous voice and eventually, after numerous bored calls, decides this is enough and quits calling. His cousin, however, doesn't. Seems the voice on the other end has a nefarious plan and gives the downtrodden kid the perfect pointy fingered tools to be rid of the bullies that torment him and his mother.

It's up to a nosey reporter, a school teacher and the other cousin to end the devilish deeds and save the kid...

Budget: $?

Gross: $2,955,917

Fun Fact: There was a sequel, despite the films 0% review on www.rottentomatoes.com- 976 EVIL II- The Astral Factor. Look out for a short appearance by Robert Picardo (Star Trek Voyager).

Cool as Ice

Anyone remember this one?
Damn, was this tragic or what?!

All hail the man who was Cool as...Vanilla Ice!

Plot: I guess there should be one. Let´s see if we can un-earth it.

A motorcycle riding, rap group travel from town to town, educating the youth of the day (1991) as to the merits of white-boy rapping, "Dropping zeroes and getting with the heroes" and generally being so cool, they're damn near cold!

Honestly, there's not much more to it.

I saw this "masterpiece" as an impressionable pre-teen and I fear it warped my mind enough that I actually viewed it more than once.

The sad thing is, the director later disowned this, his own film.

Budget: $6,000,000

Gross: $1,193,062

Fun Fact: The father of Mr Ice's love interest is non other than Michael Gross (Burt Gummer from Tremors)! Also, there´s a blink and you miss it appearance by Naomi Campbell. The D.O.P went on to be D.O.P on Schindler's List. Get That!

Sundown: Vampire in Retreat

Think of this as a really comic pre-cursor to True Blood. Not camp, just plain silly.

Plot: When the vampire nation, led by Count Mardulak (David Carradine) realises it's bloodsucking days are numbered, they retreat to a small town in the Western United States- Purgatory. In Purgatory, one might find aged, grey bearded hick brothers, swinging on seats at a Gas Station, Jamaican Police Chiefs and a variety of disenchanted "folk" staring absently at week old hamburgers.

Endeavouring to keep up appearances and produce a synthetic blood substitute, the scientists of the town enlist the help of a human to increase production. Along with said human comes his wife and family. Not long after them, a descendent of the Van Helsing clan (Bruce Cult Campbell) also appears, intent on ridding the world of the count.

Look out for clay-mation bats with grey beards.

Line of the film: "I'm not a young man anymore".

Budget: $2,800,000

Gross: $? A big hit on DVD though.

Fun Fact: Co-stars Deborah Foreman, a cult actress in her own right- April Fool's Day, Lobster Man from Mars, Waxwork, Real Genius, to name but a few.

The Haunting

A horror classic and a cult icon in it's own right.

Plot: Following a string of "accidental" deaths in and around the mansion, Hill House remains under the supervision of married caretakers and under the ownership of a family in Boston. Upon hearing of the house and it's availability, a researcher in the field of the supernatural- Dr John Markway decides to visit the home of the unfortunate first owner- Hugh Crain, but he's not going alone.

Accompanying him are the nephew of the new owner (a sprightly young man with a knack for self preservation), a female psychic and a rather timid girl, who has spent the last decade caring for her terminally ill mother and who had, in her past, experienced something of the paranormal herself.

Making use of a fantastic setting, some deliciously acute angles, superb sound effects and a cast that truly throws itself into the script, The Haunting is a masterpiece in Chill Theatre.

Despite it's dated appearance, the cinematography (making use of an incomplete 30 mm lens from Panavision) and the story, stand proudly among the best of the genre.

This is a film not to be missed and also...not to be watched alone!

Budget: $1,400,000

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Look out for Dr Markway's wife- Miss Moneypenny (a great role for her). A remake with Liam Neeson sucked, in 1999 and a loosely based Red Rose was at first co-written by Steven Spielberg and Stephen King, then finished solo by King.

Frankenhooker

From the man that brought you cult classics Brain Damage and Basket Case- Frank Henenlotter, comes...Frankenhooker!

Plot: It's a fairly simple plot, ok, it's ridiculously simple. A rather demented scientist/electrical engineer finds himself required to do a little creative assembly, following his fiancees accident with a remote controlled lawn mower. Keeping her 'alive'/ usable in a vat of oestrogen solution, Jeffrey Franken realises he needs a few more bits and bobs, as not all the important parts survived the incident. Setting his increasingly dislodged mind to work, Jeffrey employs a variety of attractive prostitutes for a nights work.

Scene of the film; What happens when a hamster smokes super-crack?

Budget: $2,500,000

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Bill Murray is quoted as saying, "If you see one film this year, it should be Frankenhooker".

Night of the Demon

Scary stuff. Well, it was, back in the day and to be honest, it still has the air of suspense and a good deal of creativity.

Plot: A Professor Harrington, investigating a cult leader- Dr Julian Karswell, is brutally savaged to death by a demonic creature in the guise of what appears to be- The Devil. Shortly afterwards, his colleague- Dr Holden and niece- Joanna Harrington both arrive on the same plane from the US. His death sparks an investigation by the pair into Harringtons' untimely passing and the role the mysterious Dr Karswell may have had in his death.

Making use of the Stonehenge phenomenon and intertwining the ideas of seance, runes and hypnosis, Night of the Demon doesn't fall into the trap aged horrors often do. It is not an exercise in hysteria and over acting. It is a well thought out use of science and mythology that seeks to entertain and frighten in equal measure and on most levels succeeds.

Fun Fact: The use of the demon in the film only came about on the insistence of producer Hal. E. Chester, over the objections of the director, writer and star, even leading to the directors claim he'd kill the producer if he saw him again.

The Horror at 37,000 Feet

Not to be mistaken for the classic Twilight Zone episode- Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, as I actually did.

Plot: Boarding a rather weighty aircraft, the passengers of flight 19X include a doctor (Paul Winfield- Star Trek II- Wrath of Khan), a former priest (William Shatner), a western movie star, a druid worshipper, an architect and his wife. Before the flight even takes off, the cabin temperature changes and the plane becomes a freezing. As the flight continues we discover that in the cargo hold, the remnants of an ancestral home, specifically it's sacrificial alter reside and there's something that desperately wants to get out on this, the summer solstice.

Budget: $? Made for the CBS network.

It certainly could have been worse, though Shatner himself sees few ways. His death scene is superb and the not excessive, 73 minute running time is worth the effort.

Fun Fact: Many of the sound effects were borrowed from Forbidden Planet. There are also some excellent 70's flight attendant uniforms.

Long Weekend

One of the earliest eco-horrors- 1978- and one you should really see.

Plot: A rather macho/arrogant bloke (it's Australia so you say 'bloke' instead of 'fella') and his 'sheila' head into the 'bush' to get away from the 'big-smoke' for a long weekend. It's a bank holiday or something. Any-who, off they go, knocking down a Kangeroo seems the first step, later they decide a spot of littering, hunting and general non-eco-friendly action is called for. As the trip continues, the quarrelling couple begin to notice a random crying (linked to the sheila's abortion) and a dead dugong (Manatee type animal) which he kills early on and seems to some how follow them around the beach.

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

You can't say they threw too much cash at this film, but you also can't say you really needed it. Take a good premise, add average actors and decent sound effects and you have the makings of a moody and suspenseful tale.

Fun Fact: A remake was filmed and released in 2008, starring James Jesus Caviezel.

Invaders form Mars

In this 1986, Tobe Hooper (Lifeforce) remake of the 1953 film- Invaders from Mars we are treated to some of the worse child acting possible...sit back and enjoy.

Plot: David Gardener is a space obsessed child, living with his mum and scientist dad in a rural house, near an Army base, that happens to be planning to send a NASA ship to Mars. One night, after a particularly vibrant display of comets, David is convinced that he sees a spaceship land, just over the hill. Upon investigation in the morning, David's dad starts acting a mite strange.

Think Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, less the pods and replaced with neck inserted rods.

The highlight of the film is two-fold, Louise Fletcher performing her bitchy best and a series of Martian creatures that owe a lot to Little Shop of Horrors.

Budget: $7,000,000

Gross: $4,984,663

Fun Fact: Numerous props make appearances throughout the film, including the original child star as the Police Chief. Louise Fletcher was nominated for Worse Supporting Actress at the Razzies for this performance.

Lady Hawke

More sword and sorcery gubbins; here's Rutger Hauer, Matthew Broderick and a rather lovely looking Michelle Pfeiffer circa 1985, Richard Donner style.

Plot: Ruts and Pfeiffer are star crossed lovers who secretly exchange vows. Sadly for them, the Bishop of Aquila fancies her himself and curses the pair. By day, he will be human and she a hawk, by night, she human and he a wolf. The only way to fix said problem is to do away with the bishop on the day of a solar eclipse. To do that, Ruts needs Matt, a thief that knows a secret way into the castle the Bishop lives in.

Look out for a pretty young looking Alfred Molina as a wolf catcher.

Budget: $20,000,000

Gross: $18,432,000

Fun Fact: Kurt Russell had been cast for the Rutger Hauer role, but pulled out early on. The film was nominated for best sound awards at the Oscars.

The Beastmaster

Eagle eyed and smelling like a Panther's armpit, Dar is a hero for man and beast alike.

Plot: When born to a royal family, one might expect a bit of an easy life. Not so, for Dar (Marc Singer). Narrowly escaping a bout of murder, Dar is rescued and raised in a lovely little village and trained in the warriors arts. Having an affinity for the beasts, Dar is perfectly placed to commune with the animals and take vengeance when his adoptive home is destroyed by the very same fella that wanted him dead in the first place- Maax (Rip Torn).

Sometimes I wonder about these screenwriters. Come on, a bad guy, named Maax. Ohhhh, scary!

Budget: $8,000,000

Gross: $14,000,000

Fun Fact: Liked this one? Watch Beastmaster II- Through the Portal of Time and Beastmaster III-The Eye of Braxus.

Bachelor Party

My word, do I have vivid memories of this film. Entirely likely for the high nudity content and that fact that I was the ripe old age of ten when I saw this film.

Recommended for all pre and pubescent boys....and even a few post fellas.

Plot: Tom Hanks is a high school bus driver and he's getting married. To make the most of his limited free time, his buddies arrange a Stag Party, or Bachelor Party. Thus begins a night of debauchery and bestiality the likes of which Hollywood would delay in repeating until The Hangover and even then, not so well as this effort.

Don't wanna say too much, but look out for the male stripper scene, hilarious!

Budget: $6,000,000

Gross: $38,400,000

Fun Fact: Co-stars Michael Dudikoff (American Ninja 1,2 and 4). There is a sequel, but it's the name only variety, no continuity.

Total Recall

Whoops. Thought I'd reviewed this long ago. Guess not. Here you go, better late than never.

Plot: Fella (Arnold Schwarzenegger) keeps dreamin' a Mars, a place he ain't never gone ta, but really, really wants ta. So, after he's done with his day job, he pops along to Rekall, where if you ain't got the time or money for the real holiday, the company will insert a fake, but totally real feelin' memory of your chosen destination. But wait, there's more. You can be someone else too. Not just boring old you, no, you can be a playboy or a sports star or even... a secret agent. Oh yeah!

So, into the funky future chair ya sit, off ta sleep ya go and upon your awakening, you've had a swell time and even saved Mars in the process. Sweet. All good, unless something goes tits up and guess what...?

Well worth the watch. Not least for the ever awesome 80's power of Arnie, but for the special effects, the story (based on the Philip K. Dick novel) but also for the directing- Paul Verhoeven, the fella behind other spacey awesomeness as Robocop and Starship Troopers.

Budget: $50-60,000,000 A massive budget in 1990 and still pretty darn big now)

Gross: $261,299,840

Line of the film: "That's your wife?...What a Bitch!".

Fun Fact: There was a TV show- Total Recall 2070. Never saw it, never heard of it 'til now. David Cronenberg also wrote 10 drafts of the script before he gave it up as a bad job.

Village of the Damned

I love all things John Carpenter, even his crazy moustache and his delight in 80's synth musak, but I didn't exactly enjoy this effort.

Plot: After a spate of narcolepsy, wherein an entire village goes to beddy-byes, the female populous soon find out that they have all been blessed with pregnancies. That'd be fine, except many of the ladies were without partners at the time and as such, immaculate conception became a little concerning. Never the less, they decide to keep the kids and are even lucky enough to have their medical debts paid by a nice lady from the US Government- Kirstie Alley. Over the course of the following few years, it becomes clear that our silver haired kids take the occasional painful accident to heart and as such, kill off offenders.

The adults of the sleepy little town of Midwich (ha ha, sleepy) get a touch miffed at their over reactions and as such go on a bit of a witch hunt. What is it with small town pitch fork mafias? Well, it's down to the town doc- Christopher Superman Reeve to save the day.

Can he?

Budget: $22,000,000

Gross: $9,417,567

Fun Fact: Look out for the appearance by Mark Hamill (Star Wars) as the town Reverend, very funny.

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight

When Tales from the Crypt finished on TV, it was inevitable that a few films would follow.
Here's Demon Knight.


Plot: Introduced by our now Hollywood Crypt Keeper, we follow a car, chased down the highway at 100 mph. William Sadler (Death from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey) seeks refuge in an old church, now converted for the waifs and strays of society. Inside he finds Uncle Willy (Dick Miller- Gremlins), Thomas Hayden Church (Sideways) and Jada Pinkett (pre-Smith). It doesn't take long though for his errant pursuer- Billy Zane to find find him and set upon our hero with a horde of Demons.

Well, now it's up to Mr Sadler must stop Hell on Earth and endure more than one random quip from his hellish assailant.

Budget: $12,000,000

Gross: $21,088,568

Line of the film: "Hell on Earth? Shit. I got Hemeroids!"

Fun Fact: The first draft of the film was written in 1987, with the film passing through the hands of numerous horror film directors and finally landing on the Silver Screen in 1995 under the producership of Mr Silver himself (Joel).

Equinox

Clay-mation and The Devil. Sounds like a Black Sabbath song.

Plot: A fella is sent to a Lunatic Asylum following a hit and run. Seems he's a touch demented- going on about a book of Good and Evil, monsters and The Devil, so he's locked up. The young chap claims to have been on a picnic with his mate and two lovely ladies, visiting his professor when they come across a crazed old chap in a cave, a Castle (they don't seem that surprised, despite the fact that this is 1960's USA and they ain't go no Castles there) and The Book. Said book contains within it charms both Good and Evil and is capable of raising mystic forces. These forces manifest mainly on the whim of Asmodeus the Park Ranger, who also happens to be Beelzebub and on a nefarious mission.

Any who, Our hero has to battle badly made Clay monsters, large blue giants, the Devil and survive...

Budget: $6,500 (That's all!)

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Fans of Science Fiction writing will appreciate a small appearance by author- Fritz Leiber. There are a few real similarities between scenes in Equinox and The Evil Dead but Sam Raimi has neither confirmed nor denied it's influence on his film.

Master of the World

So, Jules Verne wrote 20,000 Leagues under the Sea, turns out, he wrote the story twice. On this occasion, the crazy captain has a flying boat instead.

Plot: When a US Government investigator hires an elderly munitions manufacturer, his daughter and his pain in the ass gentleman soon-to-be son-in-law, Charles Bronson must know he's in for a wild ride. Seems there's some kind of oddity happening in a large volcanic crater and Charlie wants to fly over in a balloon (the height of aviation technology- height- get it?!) and have a butchers. Upon nearing the crater, a series of missiles escape the hole and shoot down our adventurers. They survive, but are taken aboard a flying vessel capable of traversing the globe in all of 10 day days, pretty good for the late 1800's!

The fella in charge of the craft is a guy by the name of Captain Robur (Vincent Price- LEGEND!) and it's his mission (self-imposed) to threaten and if needs be, destroy various cities around the world in the hopes of ending warfare.

A very lofty goal (ha ha- I did it again, they just keep coming to me!) I think you'll agree.

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Written for the screen by Richard Matheson (I Am Legend).

Atlantis- The Lost Continent

Atlantis, the lost city/continent/civilization. Here is one of the many of this ilk that MGM and the like popped out in the 60's. This one ain't awful, it just ain't good.

Plot: Demetrius the Greek and his father (he's also Greek in case you were wondering) are fishermen and while out- fishing, Demetrius spies a lone boat, bobbing on the wide open ocean and a sole inhabitant- a Princess from Atlantis with a large ego and bad manners. Anyway, Demetrius falls for her and agrees to nab his dads boat and bugger off past the Pillars of Hercules and into the unexplored and dreaded sea beyond in the hopes of taking Princess Bitchy-Gob home. So, they come across a metal sea creature, turns out to be some of her people in a submarine and they head to Atlantis.

One they get there, the Princess buggers off and Demetrius is forced into slavery and put to work at the mines. Well, she forgets about him, then  remembers, then asks daddy to help, though he's old and has lost his power to a new idealistic war-monger and, well, they're off ta war with the world and they're gonna use a great big crystal laser thingy ta do it!

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: When the vast difference between the costumes that were re-used from other MGM films was pointed out, George Pal (Director/Producer) simply stated "Who knows?". Apt, it is Hollywood after all. Stop being so picky.

Terror Train

Leave a bunch of College seniors on a steam train, unsupervised and loaded with drink and the occasional J...what do you think might happen?

Plot: Freshman year, the pie-delta-wankers are hazing the new guys. This years trick, fool one of 'em into snoggin' a dismembered corpse. Jamie Lee-Curtis plays the voice of the lady in question, luring our unsuspecting virgin to his doom. Well, he flips out and flash forward 3 years, here we are, on a party train, everyone in costume and there's even a magician on board- David Copperfield (yes, really!). Given that this is a horror/slasher film, our 'hazed fresher' is out of the nut-house and on the rampage, much to the surprise of the graduates.

David Copperfield actually does well, playing a Magician however can not be too difficult for a...Magician.

Don't let the poster fool you, at no point does Lizard-Man get funky with a half naked college-girl. For shame!

Budget: $3,500,000

Gross: $8,000,000

Fun Fact: This film was directed by Roger Spottiswoode- The Pursuit of D.B.Cooper and 48 Hrs and even, Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot!

Alien

I know, I know. You've all seen it (a version or every version), or read about it, or heard of it...I don't care, it's awesome and I'm reviewing it!

Plot: So, the crew of a commercial towing ship- the Nostromo, on the outskirts of space is redirected to a dark, stormy planet, following receipt of a beacon signal, in search of a ship that seems to have crash landed. Three of em pop out in their nifty space suits and go have a butchers at it. Inside they find a bunch of big egg things and before they know it, one of em gets some kinda grabby alien stuck to his mush. They give it a whirl at yankin' the sucka (sucker/sucka! Ha ha) off, no dice. Then later on it buggers off and dies. The crewman (John Hurt) seems fine and dandy, until over a meal he erupts from his belly with a toothy, taily creature that subsequently runs off and leaves Mr Hurt (no pun intended), dead.

So, the alien grows, attacks, kills and so forth. It's up to a particularly tough lady by the name of Sigourney Weaver to save the day.

Watch the film. Then watch the second film, then the third. You can ignore the forth if ya like, it's a touch substandard. Then there's those Alien Vs Predator ones...each to their own.

Budget: $11,000,000 (yep, that's it. Looks like it was triple that. Amazing!)

Gross: $104,931,801

Fun Fact: Dan O'Bannon's original script was entitled Memory, then Star Beast. John Hurt almost missed out due to filming obligations, but luckily his prior engagement fell through and he got to erupt with Alien life after all. Relief.

Cheech and Chong's "Up In Smoke"

In 1978 Paramount Pictures released the first in a series of iconic and culturally hysterical films. The first; Up In Smoke. Enjoy.

Plot: So here we have Pedro (Cheech Marin), a vocalist in a non-de-script band who happens upon a wandering 'Man' (Tommy Chong), who happens to have left his rich parents house in a stoner haze, with his broken down Beetle car- complete with Rolls Royce grill and a rather large joint in his possession...and so begins a journey that includes confused cops (Stacy Keach- Escape from L.A.), a relative with flash-backs to the Vietnam war (Tom Skeritt- Top Gun, Alien, Space Camp), punk rock gigging and a van made entirely of marijuana that they happened to pick up in Tijuana after being inextricably deported.

With a brief description live that, how can you not watch and love this film?!

Budget: $?

Gross: $44,364,244

Fun Fact: Random appearances that you will not notice include Ellen Barkin and Harry Dean Stanton. The film was also banned in South America, due to it's believed capability to influence the youth to take up smoking.

Near Dark

This Kathryn Bigelow (Point Break, Strange Days) helmed vampire story is one of the 1980's best contributions to the genre, not least for the stars that went on to epitomise 'cult'.

Plot: Caleb (Adrian Pasdar- Heroes) is a mid-west cowboy who meets a lovely young woman who it seems has a real passion for the nibbling aspect of fore-play. The result, Caleb is on the turn. Rescued from the daylight by a group of hill-billy vamps (Lance Henriksen- Aliens, Bill Paxton- Aliens) in a Winnebago, Caleb must now embrace the night and the killing that goes with it, or suffer the torment of starvation and death. Torn between the day with his family and the night with his new girlfriend (Jenny Wright- The Lawnmower Man), Caleb is pursued by his father and his pre-teen sister.

Shoot-outs, feeding and love...all the elements a good vamp film needs. It just about stands the test of time. There are a few moments when you wish the film was a touch faster and the script had a little more back-story, but over all, it's worth your time.

Budget: $5,000,000

Gross: $3,369,307

Fun Fact: Look out for the James LeGros (Solarbabies) moment- one of the surfer guys from Point Break. Music came from Tangerine Dream- Street Hawk, Firestarter. A remake is on hold because the studio believe Twilight and Near Dark are "too similar"! Me thinks Platinum Dunes film production company saw a different film.

Fantastic Voyage

Fantastic Voyage was one of the quintessential science fiction tales and came to the cinema screens in 1966, thanks to director Richard Fleischer (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea) and a story by Jerome Bixby (The Man From Earth) and it stands the test of time that so many, well written sci-fi's do.

Plot: When the governments of The United States of America and the Soviet Union develop miniaturization technology, it's only a matter (ha ha-matter, get it?!) of time before one or other of them decides to take a leap and nick the other's research. On this occasion, it's the USA (tisk tisk). So, the US helps a Ruskie scientist defect with the advance knowledge of how to extend miniaturization beyond a few hours to indefinitely. Problem being, the fella gets shot on the way out of the Iron Curtain (you'd think with a name like that, he'd be safe from bullets) and ends up with a blood clot. So it's up to a crack crew including Donald Pleasence (Halloween, The Great Escape) and Raquel Welch (One Million Years B.C.) to pop inside his body, find the clot, zap it with a laser and pop back out before the bodies natural defences get annoyed.

What can possibly go wrong?!

Budget: $5,115,000

Gross: $12,000,000

Fun Fact: James Brolin (Amityville Horror) makes an appearance as a technician. Issac Asimov liked the idea so much, that he got permission to rewrite it as a novel and it even came out before the film finished shooting, due to Asimov's quick scribbling and the films slow progress.

Hudson Hawk

One of the biggest flops of Bruce Willis's career (and co-written by the man himself)...not counting Breakfast of Champions and Color of Night, but I still like it.

Plot: Hudson Hawk (Bruce) is a newly released cat-burglar, desperate for a decent cappuccino, who is blackmailed into robbing an auction house and stealing a Leonardo DaVinci horse. This particular robbery, is choreographed to Bruce and partner- Danny Aiello singing the Bing Crosby Classic, Swinging on a Star and by cruel fate, is captured on security camera. Now, the Hudson Hawk must steal a slew of DaVinci stuff from various places, while dodging a minor New York crime family (Frank Stallone), a CIA team- individually code named after candy bars, a crazy husband and wife (Richard E.Grant, Sandra Bernhard)   and even encountering a randy Nun and an equally randy dog.

This film, on the surface sounds ridiculous and quite frankly, it is, but it's also a guilty pleasure to most that see it. I challenge you to watch it and not love it.

Budget: $65,000,000

Gross: $17,218,080

Fun Fact: The film received the Worst Screenplay award at the Razzies. Nice one Bruce.

 

Brainscan

Not long after Edward Furlong (Terminator 2-Judgement Day)became every teenage girls- boy fantasy, he made this...

Plot: A desensitized teen and his best mate are at a loose end. The films they watch at 'Horror Club' just ain't cuttin' it, despite titles like 'Death, Death, Death'. One evening, Ed's besty calls him up and tells him about this advert for a new game, said to blow ya socks off, or something along those lines. So, Ed calls- 1-800-555 FEAR(honestly, this should have been a hint). Shortly after, the game arrives. Ed sits down, presses play and finds himself in the shoes (literally) of a killer- the killer in fact, that has been striking in his own neighbourhood. Initially elated by the experience, Edward changes his mind swiftly, when a locally reported death reeks of similarities to his own voyeuristic escapism.

When Edward calls and says he wants to stop playing, the mysterious voice at the other end of the games company-Brainscan, appears on Ed's TV and swiftly after, pops out in all his demonic styled, red haired, Trickster glory.

What's a teenager to do?

Line of the film: "I don't think erections rape people. People rape people".

Budget: $?

Gross: $4,264,509

Fun Fact: The investigating officer, charged with tracking down the killer is Frank Skeletor Langella himself.

Testament

A 1980's, post-nuclear disaster film, told by a female director-Lynne Littman and chronicling the effects and life after such an experience.

Plot: The days starts as any other in 1980's USA. The family is busy waking, beginning their day, riding their bicycles and generally getting ready for work. The see a mother (Jane Alexander), father, two sons (the first appearance of Lucas Haas-Solarbabies) and a daughter. All is well, until the next day. While the father is at work in San Francisco, the family is watching telly, when a news report breaks through. Nuclear explosions have erupted. Swiftly after, a bright yellow/orange light blasts through the living-room window. The rest of the story shows how a small community tries and fails to band together and make what's left of life live-able, with the cloud of nuclear radiation and death looming.

This film makes no attempt to tackle the elements of these stories that modern film makers do, it ignore violence and homicide as a whole and centres on the hardship and emotional heartache that loss on such a grand scale illicit.

Fun Fact: Early appearances also come from Rebecca De Mornay and Kevin Costner. Jane Alexander was nominated for the Best Actress award at the Oscars for this performance.

Sssssss aka Sssnake aka Hiss of Death

In 1973, Dirk Benedict (not yet of Battlestar Galactica and A-Team fame) underwent a transformation into a snake. Here are the results.

Plot: A not-so-mad scientist, rather an obsessive one, handles snakes for a living and following a need for another graduate student (the last one ending up in a Carnivale Freak Show) as an assistant, he employs Dirk. Dirk begins an affair with the Doctors daughter and undergoes a series of injection, having been advised they are in fact pre-emptive measures to avoid death (as he'll be handling Black Mamba, Rattle Snakes and King Cobras on a regular basis). Turns out, these injections actually go some way to altering the young man's physiology. Whoops.

A pretty fun movie, at least until the reveal, where we actually see a green, reptilian Dirk. The snake shots are great and the King Cobra has real attitude.

Budget: $1,300,000

Fun Fact: The snakes were never defanged prior to shooting and as such, there was a real risk every time they filmed.

Seconds

Directed by The Manchurian Candidate himself- John Frankenheimer, here we have, strictly speaking, a Sci-Fi from the 1960's starring icon Rock Hudson.

Plot: When a 50-something Banker with a dull life (shocker) receives a call from a man claiming to be his University Tennis doubles partner, Arthur Hamilton follows his instructions. He finds himself in the back of a meat truck, on his way to an office, to be confronted with an opportunity. Arthur, if he want's, can die and be reborn. The service offered provides for a replacement corpse, a handsome payout to the widow and a complete resettlement in a new life, with a new face, new history and most importantly, a new future. Arthur agrees and emerges from the lengthy process as Tony Wilson (Rock Hudson). Only Tony, finds it a tad difficult to adjust.

I liked the premise and for the first half of the film you catch yourself thinking, this is great, original and interesting...then it goes a little silly and lacks story. Shame. Worth watching though.

Not-so Fun Fact: Three of the actors in the film were on the Hollywood 'Blacklist' during the 1950's. Several of the shots during surgery (real surgery) were done by the director himself, after the cameraman fainted.

Man from Earth

Written by Sci-Fi supremo, Jerome Bixby (The Twililight Zone, Fantastic Voyage) and nearly 40 years in the making, this film is worth the wait.

Plot: John Oldman, a University professor is leaving his tenured position and taking off. As a result, his good friends from various departments at the University decide to have one last drink with him at his home before he drives off for places unknown. Upon arriving at his home, John begins packing. Possessions loaded into the back of his truck, comments from his friends swiftly begin as to the authenticity of his Van Gogh painting. John swiftly dismisses the suggestion it's real and they move inside the house to break open a bottle of Johnny Walker Green and chat. The topic of discussion; what if a man from the Cro-Magnon era still survived to this day? Inciting interest and curiosity from his fellow thinkers, John plays Devil's Advocate and advises them that he is, in fact, said man.

Discuss...

Brilliant! It's a story told entirely in one setting and reliant, totally, on skilled and talented storytelling. This is something few film makers bother with these days and it's a shame.

Budget: $200,000 (wish they'd spent a little more as the cinematography and sound let it down)

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Bixby actually finished this story on his deathbed...shows how dedicated he was to it. It has also been adapted as a stage play as well. Co-stars Tony Todd (Candyman). I had my photo taken with Mr Todd at the Filmhouse-Edinburgh...not interesting, but I thought I'd share.

Split Second

If you're wondering why this film graces the pages of Cult Filmz UK, well, it's got Rutger Hauer in it...nuff said!

Plot: In the near future (2008- well it was made in 1992), the environment's gone a little squiffy and the water levels in London have risen to the point that the lower ends of the city are a good couple of feet deep. This means, rats. Lots of 'em. Following a rather nasty serial killer (this one rips out its victims hearts and has a nibble), Harley Stone (Ruts- Blade Runner) is a bad ass and he's on the trail of the man that killed his partner. So, he'll need a new one. In comes Detective Dick Durkin (I ain't kiddin'), an Edinburgh University graduate with a belief in the occult. Well, off they go, Ruts eating chocolate, drinking coffee and smoking cigars like they're going out of fashion and Dick, well, Dick's just a bit annoying really.

The monster's pretty cool. Shame the poster gives it all away.

Line of the film: "You really get laid every night?"
                        "Oh Yeah!"

Budget: $7,000,000

Gross: $5,430,822

Fun Fact: this film co-stars Pete Postlethwaite (R.I.P) and Kim Cattrall (Mannequin). It's also got one of the ghosts from Scrooged in it too.

Looker

Michael Crichton (Jurassic Park author) directs. That is rarely a good thing.

Plot: It's the height of TV advertising and a large multi-national corporation has hit upon an idea. Why not use computers to maximise advertising, specifically, why not use them to render the perfect looking people and use them for their campaigns. To procure the best, the corporation must get a little help in the tinkering department, so they send their potential stars to a plastic surgeon (Albert Finney). Mr Finney gets a touch curious though, when his patients (all of whom have very specific lists of their flaws to correct) start to turn up dead. He investigates and discovers that the seemingly harmless corporation (headed by James Coburn)  is in fact utilising a new technology called L.O.O.K.E.R (a light based suggestion device) to con the viewer into buying their stuff. Well, what's an upstanding member of the community like a plastic surgeon to do?

Plot hole; in the version I saw, the director completely fails to rationalise the murders.

Budget: $?

Budget: $?

Fun Fact: The bad guy is credited as Moustache Guy and was in fact Tom Selleck's University room mate.

The White Buffalo

Wild Bill takes on a giant buffalo. Hell, it's either that or Roy Scheider takes on a giant shark. Your choice.

Plot: When Wild Bill Hickock (Charles Bronson- Death Wish) wakes, firing his six-shooters into the bunk-bed above, he knows he has to do something about his nightmares. As it happens, Bill is dreaming about a giant white buffalo that repeatedly charges down upon him in the snowy mountains of the Black Hills. The only thing for Bill to do, is to go a huntin'. Seems however, that Bill has one or two enemies out there, including 'Captain' Custer. Along the way, Bill teams up with a one eyed old man and an Indian with a funny name- Little Worm (not his real name, but I'll not spoil it).

Why our white buffalo is so intent on goring Bill to death is not explained, but you can take enjoyment from the snorting, demented buffalo and his continuous close-ups.

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Look out for the coach driver early on, it's Slim Pickens!

The Lathe of Heaven

Based on the Ursula K. Le Guin novel of the same name, this story is a cult sci-fi with real originality.

Plot: George Orr lives in a near polluted future and suffers from dream anxiety. Having taken an overdose to avoid dreaming, George is legally ordered to report for therapy. After arriving at Dr Haber's office, he lays on the couch and duly explains his reason for being there. Turns out, George's dreams come true. Example; when 17, George dreamed his auntie out of existence. Having listened to George for a couple of sessions, Dr Haber believes his patient and sets about hypnotising him and using his powers for "good". He begins by curing the world of acid rain, then moves onto battle racism, over population, etc.

The problem here being, no good deed goes unpunished.

Budget: $250,000

Gross: Made for TV but one of public televisions most requested films ever.

Fun Fact: A remake was produced in 2002, starring James Caan...the author herself said it sucked.

Vamp

To it's credit this 1986 horror comedy made me confront one of my deepest, darkest fears. Not vampires. Grace Jones, naked except for a Ronald McDonald wig & white-face. Sure it's fine if she does it, but if I do the same in black-face suddenly it's "not appropriate attire for dress-down Friday".........this country, pff....

Plot: Two fraternity pledges try to find some strippers for a big party when they stumble across a nudey bar with a difference. You guessed it, it's run by vampires. Kinda like if From Dusk till Dawn crashed headfirst into Animal House and this abomination was all that remained. You can save yourself the bother of actually watching it if you imagine Chris Makepeace running around 80's-style day-glo lit streets for a full 90 minutes. Furthermore, towns occupied by vampires have the cleanest sewers in the world.

Redeeming features include a kickass little vampire girl and much loved supporting actor Gedde Watanabe ("Dong, where is my automobile?").

Budget: $1,900,000

Gross: $4,940,000

Fun Fact: Director Richard Wenk co-wrote the screenplay for upcoming Expendables 2 (not really a credit in the truest sense of the word)

Review by Callum S

Crawlspace

What would you do if you had a building full of ladies?

Plot: Karl (Klaus Kinski) is a nutter! He's the owner or a apartment building, which he rents out to attractive young ladies. Ok, so there's nothing crazy about that I hear you say- true, but when you have a series of tunnels linking ya attic laboratory to the ventilation in every young ladies room, it gets a little creepy. Klaus is white haired, in his mid sixties, around 5 foot 5 inches tall, a doctor and he also happens to be the son of a Nazi scientist. This does not bode well for our tenants me thinks. One by one, the ladies vanish and various body parts end up in jars of formaldehyde in his lab, to keep his imprisoned, mute lady friend company.

Everything is hunky dory for Klaus, until a meddling Jewish fellow pops by and starts harassing him. Well, what's a crazed Nazi scientist to do???

This is a fun film. Not so much scary (the poster makes it look really screwed up), but you can't help but like Karl, especially when he's putting on his 'lippy' and mascara.

Directed by David Schmoeller (Tourist Trap), with music by Pino Donaggio (Tourist Trap, Piranha, The Howling).

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: This film is so sought after on DVD (since it is now out of print), you have to shell out over $30 on-line to grab it. A bargain from what I saw. A remake is really required!

Supergirl

Duh duh duuuuh duuuh duuuh duuuh duuuuh, du du duuuuh, du du duuuuh duuh d d duuuuh.

Plot: In the Kryptonian community of Argo City (somewhere in trans-dimensional space-not on Krypton), a scientist called Zaltar (Peter Legend O'Toole) shows off a rather powerful thingamybob, the Omegahedron. Turns out, he borrowed it from the city council without them noticing and whoops, wouldn't ya know it, he's only gone and catapulted it out into space. As a result, his little friend Kara (Helen Slater) decides to go get it- as it powers everything on Argo City, it's a mite important. As chance would have it, the Omegahedron lands on Earth. Sadly for the newly empowered Kara aka Supergirl, a maniacal witch named Selena has found it and sets about conquering the world with it.

Supergirl subsequently does battle, loses, gets banished to the Phantom Zone, comes back and eventually saves the day. She also falls in love...arhhhhhh.

The film was directed by Jeannot Szwarc, the fella behind Bugs, Jaws II and Santa Claus: The Movie.

Budget: $35,000,000

Gross: $14,296,438

Fun Fact: Christopher Legend Reeve bowed out of a cameo early on. No reason given, but it's possibly because it was a crap script. Dolly Parton was offered $7,000,000 to star as Selena, but stated that she couldn't be seen as a witch for any amount of money.

Snowbeast

Two things to know about this film; one- if you are trapped in a cabin over night, your make-up will remain fully intact and two- car horns do little to dissuade angry Yeti.

Plot: On the mountains of a ski village in Colorado, there's something a foot (a foot-big foot...ha ha ha). Skiers seem to be vanishing and strangely for a film of this type, it takes very little time for a core group of monster hunters to form a posse. With bloody ski suits appearing on the slopes and body parts residing in abandoned cabins, the village owner, his mate- the former Olympic Ski Champ and his wife, set about hunting after the crazed beast.

Using point of view shots throughout the majority of the film, this story manages to capitalize on its made for TV budget and leaves the beast almost entirely to the viewers imagination, but when we do see some body parts, we are not disappointed. The face is reminiscent of the creature that attacks Luke on Hoth (Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back) and lends some creativity to a genre that often lacks. Steeped in the Bigfoot controversy, Snowbeast is a Yeti film, without the mention of it.

Pretty good all told. Really. It wasn't bad at all.

Budget: $?

Gross: $ TV Release.

Fun Fact: The script was written based on film maker Roger Patterson's encounter and footage of Bigfoot (you know the one, where Bigfoot is striding happily through the forest and accidentally gets on camera).

Heavy Metal

Not content with giving the world Maple Syrup & the suffix "eh", Canada struck gold again with this 1981 cult animated fantasy boobfest from Ivan Reitman & Gerald Potterton.

Plot: Throughout the Galaxy, a mysterious green ball has been floating about, bothering ample chested ladies and being a prick to all that cross its path. When an astronaut decides that the "sum of all evils" is a suitable gift for a small child, the sphere regales the girl with tales of his intergalactic arsehole escapades. What follows is several short stories of space dragons, space boobs, space cocaine and WWII zombies...all set to Journey, Cheap Trick & Black Sabbath.

With the voices of John Candy (Legend, R.I.P), Eugene Levy & Harold Ramis (Ghostbusters), a classic soundtrack and characters that make Russ Meyer seem like a puritan, it's trashy comic book revelry at it's best.

Budget: $9,300,000

Gross: $20,000,000

Fun Facts: Rodger Bumpass is not only the brother-in-law of Ben Stiller, the voice of Spongebob's neighbour Squidward Tentacles, but also has a hilarious name however you look at it. Kudos to you, Bumpass!

review by Callum S (he's secretive don't cha' know)

Tourist Trap

In the south of the US, the tourist trap is a common and popular sight. What isn't quite so common or quite so popular is the demented folk that run 'em.

Plot: A group of early 20's are travelling through Americas' heartland when a puncture ruins the tyre on one of the two cars. Heading up the road to fix it, Woody (awesome name) finds a gas station, in a state of severe disrepair (this is usually the warning). Knocking on the door and then wandering into the back room, Woody is trapped. Mannequins then begin to burst out of the walls and ridicule him (a touch harsh I feel). Well, he dies. The second car then heads up the same road, eventually breaking down too, this time near a wax work museum. The rural fellow that runs it seems awfully pleasant and offers his assistance.

Guess what happens next.

Oddly, this film isn't just ya regular crazy bloke in the backwoods of beyond movie, this one's got telekinetic powers. Enjoy.

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: The composer- Pino Donaggio also did the music for Crawlspace and Pirahna. Author- Stephen King is a fan of the film...takes all sorts right.

The Invisible Maniac

When horny scientists go crazy...they really go crazy.

Plot: All in the title really. A young lad is caught by his Mum, ogling a naked woman from across the street with his telescope instead of studying his science. In comes the therapist. Jump forward 20 years and our horny wee lad is now a fully fledged scientist who has invented an invisibility serum. Sadly, it doesn't work and as his failure is in front of his esteemed colleagues, our guy goes totally nuts and kills a bunch of 'em. Jump again, 6 months- he's on the run from the nut house and teaching summer classes to a group of idiots. However, many of these dumb asses are in fact 1980's hotties (technically the film was made in 1990)...horny invisible scientist meets horny high school girls.

That's it. Not too many redeeming features in this one...other than the obvious ones.

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: The film has silly credits which include, the highest paid person on the set- the fire marshall.

Dr Who and the Daleks

Starring the legend that is Peter Cushing, here we have the first of two outings for the great man as the great alien.

Plot: Dr Who (not an alien, old and his surname is 'Who') has invented a time travel devise, disguised as a a blue Police phone box (no explanation given). Upon the arrival at the door of his grand daughters' boyfriend- Roy Castle, the Doctor, and his two grand daughters (one a very adventurous pre-pubescent girl) give a tour of his new toy. The Doctor is quite open to expressing his new creation and they accidentally initiate its maiden voyage. The crew travel through time and space (less the iconic sound effects of the TV series) and land on a post neutron war world. The planet seems desolate, with the only suggestion of life coming from a metal city, just through the forest. The Doctor et al, being a pleasant, inquisitive bunch, boldly investigate, only to be taken hostage by Daleks (mutants in robot bodies with high pitched voices) and used to lure the remaining peoples of the other side of the war.

Well, what can we say. This film was shot for laughs more than anything else and must be seen as an alternate version of the serial created by Terry Nation. Think of it as fan fiction with a comedic slant.

Not bad, but certainly not good, especially when you see the lava lamp set design and the David Bowie inspired make-up (pre-Bowie though, so who influenced who?-ha ha- who).

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: There was a second film, also starring Cushing- Dr Who- Invasion Earth 2150 AD. Actually slightly better, but not much. A third was intended, but the films faired so poorly at the box office that they decided against it.

   

Dune

Sci-Fi, set between a variety of planets, based on clan/royal houses doing laser battle over spice (not a typo-spice not space).

Plot: Dune aka Arrakis, the planet where the gold of the universe is mined-spice, or officially, the Spice Melange (sounds like a French 3way involving basil and oregano). So, the House Atreides- led by Duke Atreides (Jurgen Prochnow) are given the task of mining the Spice, this is something that miffs the rest of the royalty the worlds over and as such, sabotage, treachery and bloodshed ensue. Turns out, Paul Atreides (The Duke's son- Kyle MacLachlan- Twin Peaks) is the chosen one (or something) and after a touch of murder, he and his ma have ta run/fly away-fast. They end up in the desert (the planet is all desert-so it's the far desert) and are rescued by the aboriginal folks (Fremen-they have really blue eyes). After a bit of chatting and a few ceremonies, ma turns into a witch and Paul takes on the mantle of the bloke that will bring all the peace, joy and shiny happy times back to the Fremen. To do this, they must fight, ride oversized sand worms (think Tremors but lots bigger) and generally kick ass.

This film is huge. Huge in it's scope (given that the authors kid is still writing sequels to the initial novels) and huge in that the story has been through re-editing countless times between film makers and fans alike and has been remade into a lengthy SyFy TV series.

Budget: $40,000,000

Gross: $30,925,690

Fun Fact: The director- David Lynch became so frustrated at the shackles he wore throughout filming, that he removed his name from the final cinema release and replaced it with the name all disgruntled directors place in the credits-Alan Smithee. A waste of time really, any fan knows the back story to this production, but we don't really give a monkeys. Look out for appearances from Patrick Stewart (Picard in Star Trek:  Next Gen), Sean Young (back when she had a career), Sting, Max von Sydow and another Lynch fave- Dean Stockwell (Quantum Leap).