The Fog

John Carpenter!!!!!!

Starring Jamie Lee Curtis and her ma.

Plot: In the little seaside/fishing town of Antonio Bay, the residents are gearing up for a rather understated 100 year anniversary celebration (they have candles and a small statue). Little do they know that there is a timely bank of fog rolling in off the coast and it seems to be bringing with it the ghostly dead of a leaper colony the original settlers abandoned and deliberately shipwrecked.

There isn't a great deal more to it, sadly. Did make me jump once though and it didn't slow down. You can see where it and The Mist (to be or not to be-section) have their similarities. Watch out for the opening scene and a cameo by our favourite cult director.

Budget: $1,000,000

Gross: $21,378,000

Fun Fact: Inspiration for the film came from a timely visit to Stonehenge and an eerie fog in the distance. Spooooooooooky. The lead actress was Carpenter's then wife, Adrienne Barbeau.

Colossus: The Forbidden Project

1970, Sci-Fi, cult, gem.

Plot: It's the height of the cold-war and it's become apparent that the fate of the Earth can no longer rest in the hands of men or women. That being the case, the US creates a very large computer to take over all weapons control, bury it in a mountain to safeguard against sabotage and then turn it on. That's all well and good. The folks at the White House are chuffed and have a few glasses of champers. Then Colossus (a rather subtle name I'm sure you'll agree) discovers it's counterpart machine (guess where).

So, for security, the government disconnects the link to the outside world. Both machines (Colossus and Guardian) have a strop and demand to be linked or they'll start nukin' the planet.

Really what we have here is a film about the frailty and naivete of man and the logical, blackmail of silicon life.

Well worth the watch, not only for the outdated computers but also for an ending that was in almost direct contrast to the 80's, happy Sci-Fi's that so often followed.

Fun Fact: Charlton Heston and Gregory Peck were pipped to the lead role by an unknown on the insistence of the director. Why? Who know's? Either would have been great in this film. A remake was planned by Ron Howard, then delayed. Now it's looking like Big willy Style-Will Smith is gonna star. Guess I am Legend just wasn't enough for him.

Videodrome

There are many things to be said about David Cronenberg and his directing; good, wholesome, family fun-these are not those words.

Plot: James Woods (Legend-John Carpenter's Vampires) is a producer for a small scale TV station that caters for the lowest common demographic. He's constantly on the look out for something grittier than the soft-core porn he's currently programming. One day his in-house tech/hacker fella comes across a pirate transmission showing what seems to be 'real' torture. Woods is fascinated and decides to track it down.

While on the hunt, his new lady squeeze-Debbie Harry (who fancies a touch of S&M) buggers off to Pittsburgh to find the transmission herself. She goes missing and while looking for her, Woods develops a headache and realises that the transmission-Videodrome, is a lot more than a snuff show, it's TV in your mind, altering your mind, changing you...

Anyway, he starts hallucinating, random folk shove Betamax tapes in his stomach and he goes on a killing spree. The End.

Budget: $5,592,000

Gross: $ 2,120,439

Fun Fact: A re-make is 'in development' and has been for a few years. They only used Betamax because VHS were too big for the stomach entry. I think it works better that way, more authentic.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th dimension

Wow, was this a bad movie!

Some films you have to wonder how they got past the 'pitchin' process.

Plot: Super-dooper scientist/80's musician (Peter Weller-RoboCop) and his gang, The Hong Kong Cavaliers, are attempting to cross through the 8th dimension or something, but meet some aliens that want to release their 'Hitler' for some reason. So it's down to Bonzai and his buds to stop them.

That's the simplest way I can describe this film, given that the editing and the screenplay make little to no sense and quite frankly, you keep checking your watch to see when it'll end. The crap I watch for you people!

Budget: $12,000,000 (it was the post Star Wars 80's)

Gross: $6,227,998

Fun Fact: A sequel and a TV series were touted, thank the heavens they were quickly shelved...but they may still come back! Not a lot of originality in Hollywood these days. Look out for early appearances from John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, Ellen Barkin and a pre-Back to the Future, Christopher Lloyd.

Basket Case

Proof positive that you can, quite easily and with little or no script, make a film that fools will watch (myself included).

Plot: Boy is born with a siamese twin attached at the side. His father forces an operation upon the pair and dumps the 'extra' bit in a bin bag. The discarded twin kills daddy and the pair live happily ever after, until they decide to kill the doctors that performed the operation.

That's it. Loads of excessive blood splatter, lack of budget and even less actor talent, as you'd expect.
I'd give it a miss people. It's not worth the time, I can't even pick out one memorable moment.

Budget: $35,000 (yep and you can tell)

Fun Fact: Directed by Frank Henenlotter, fella that made Brain Damage, also reviewed. There are 2 sequels, should you wanna turn off the sound and have a laugh dubbing it yourself. 

Star Wars episode IV: A New Hope

Ok, so, I wasn't going to review this one. It's a huge phenomena, but it certainly fits within the cult genre, despite it's global popularity.

Plot: There's this kid (Mark Hamill), his names Luke and he doesn't like being a moisture farmer or whatever  and dreams of a day when he will become 'someone', anyone. Well, that day comes when his uncle buys a couple of errant robots from some midgets in a rusty van and there's a message with a hologram of a hot chick inside. What's a teenager to do but follow?!

So he hops in his floating land-speeder thing and goes to visit a crusty old man (Alec Guinness) in the desert (cos the chick wants him to-most kids are taught not do this, but it's space, so I guess it's ok) and learns how to swing a laser sword around (as you do). Then they bugger off to a pub, hire a spaceship from a bloke in a waistcoat (possibly the waiter), infiltrate a metal moon (run by Hammer Horror legend-Peter Cushing), rescue the chick (Carrie Fisher) and subsequently the film ends.

All the while model spaceships explode and John Williams makes beautiful music throughout, ahhhh.

Budget: $11,000,000

Gross: $755,398,007... and counting

Fun Fact: Na, if you've seen this film, you've googled it and if you've googled it, you know more than enough.

Silent Night, Deadly Night

Ok, so no points for the title.

Plot: Mum, Dad, 4yr old boy and baby brother are on their way back from visiting a play acting, catatonic grandpa with a malevolent streak, when they are flagged down by a Santa on a killing spree. Their folks are butchered and the kids end up in a Catholic orphanage (you know what's gonna become of him before we even go on). Through ignorance and maltreatment, the elder of the brothers (experiencing nightmares about Santa for years) eventually snaps.

Line of the film; "Punish, Punish, Punish!"

Budget: $750,000

Gross: $2,491,460

It was inevitable that a Santa horror would appear, given that the film was manufactured at the height of the 1980's horror obsession and we have to say thank-you; not for the writing, acting, camera work or directing, but for the numerous pairs of chests on show, which seem essential to keep the attention span of the people doomed to watch this film.

Fun Fact: The PTA fought to ban this film for it's portrayal of Santa as a 'Bad Egg', had they seen the film first, they might of realised that it was a waste of time. The film was soon pulled from distribution although four sequels followed, including Silent Night, Deadly Night 5-The Toy Maker.