Cannonball Run

Bad, bad, bad.

A pale rip off of Gumball Rally, five years previously.

Plot: Burt Reynolds, his mate with the personality disorder (Don Deluise), Sammy Davis Jnr, Dean Martin, a very young Jackie Chan and a couple of chicks with big...un's go on a race across the country. That's it. There's actually no story. Watch Gumball instead. Although, it does have a deluded, jewish girdles magnate who's convinced he's Roger Moore and Farrah Fawcett

Budget: $?

Gross: $72,179,579

Fun Fact A cameo appearance from Peter Fonda sadly does nothing to enliven this film. There is a sequel, the second is the best, despite it's huge haul at the Golden Raspberry's for worst picture, etc.

Scanners

David Cronenberg, with another of his 80's contributions. This time you've got Michael Ironside (bad guy from Total Recall) being bad.

Plot: There's these folks called 'Scanners', they're able to control ya mind and make ya do stuff and things. A company called ConSec are trying to control em and capture the main bad guy-Ironside. To do this though, they need a scanner of their own- Stephen Lack, one that isn't evil to the bone and unlikely to blow their minds-actually. They set him off to fix their problem, only for him to investigate and realise that ConSec themselves are the guilty party.

Budget: $3,500,000

Gross: $14,225,876

Best Scene: The magnificent exploding head.

Fun Fact: Cronenberg was writing the script from 4-7am each morning, such were the time restraints on the production. There are 2 sequels and a couple of spin-offs, including repeated promises of a remake/TV show.

The Dunwich Horror

Yet another H.P. Lovecraft story makes it on the blog. This time you're more transfixed by Dean Stockwell's fuzzy eye slugs, than the storyline.

Plot: In the dated village of Dunwich, the family Whateley have lived and followed in the religion of the Necronomicon and it's teachings, much to the dismay of the local God fearing sort- who figured a good old burning would fix things. A few years on, the latest member of the Whateley clan-Dean Stockwell (Quantum Leap) visits a professor at Miskatonic University and has a butchers at his copy of the Necronomicon. Seems the old chap less than willing to allow the book out of his sight. So, Dean goes and seduces the librarian, nicks off with her to the family home, gets into a row with his grandad and does his darndest to raise the 'Old Ones' from their slumber- all the while his rather odd brother is locked away in the house and getting crankier all the time.

Fun Fact: The script is co-written by Curtis Hanson (Wonderboys, L.A Confidential), there's a small role for Talia Shire (Rocky's Mrs) and produced by Roger Corman, though it really does seem more Hammer Horror than anything else.

Revenge of the Nerds

The first of the Nerds series (they run to 4), Revenge of the Nerds is an opportunity to play spot the future star, or at least, spot-the-fella-from-that-movie, what's his name?

Plot: Nerds go to college, are harassed by the jocks and their coach (John Goodman) and are evicted from their dorms when the jocks accidentally burn down their Fraternity house. The Nerds (including Goose from Top Gun and a lad from Space Camp) are further persecuted by the 'elite' and seek retribution for their torments. They also go on a panty raid to a sorority house and subtly place cctv cameras in the ceilings above their beds and showers.

From what we gathered from this film, during the 1980's, film makers could get away with a lot, in this one, voyeurism and date rape seem to have been a funny concept. We don't advocate the second one.

Line of the film (and there are many!); "Step aside Momma, I wanna see some of that Muff!"


Budget: $8,000,000

Gross: $60,400,000

Fun Fact: A TV series failed in the early 90's and a remake has been given the boot. Look out for 'Ogre', the big fella with the jocks, he's in lots a stuff, Bloodsport in particular.

Youngblood

It's the 80's again folks, 1986 to be precise and WE NEED A MONTAGE, a sports montage-is there anything better?

Plot: A young lad-Youngblood (Rob Lowe) joins a junior league Ice Hockey team (like the Minor League in Baseball) in Canada, gets hazed by his teams mates (Patrick 'Legend' Swayze-RIP), shags his middle aged land lady, falls for the coach's daughter and gets into scuffles with a hairy guy on the ice.

Line of the film; "You look like shit!...but I love ya anyway"

Gross: $15,448,384

Fun Fact: Keanu Reeves plays an Italian goal keeper with a rotten accent.

Bad Taste

Never has Denim been so scary!

Plot: Aliens invade a small New Zealand town and it's up to 'The Boys' to stop em. Derek and his three mates have a butchers and find out these intergalactic reprobates are in fact looking for the next not-so-fast food craze-Human Flesh. Armed with Uzi's, Magnum's and a rocket launcher, these 1987 bad arses are here to save the day.

Look out for the automated seagull.

Line of the film: "I'm a Derek and Derek's don't quit!"

Budget: $255,000

Fun Fact: Peter Jackson is Derek and one of the aliens (the one with the rangy beard-obviously). The film even played at Cannes! I'm not kidding.

D.A.R.Y.L.

Data. Anaylsing. Robot. Youth. Lifeform...awesome!

So, the government made this kid, kinda like Pinocchio, but with a shorter nose. He has a "Dad" (his creator) who realizes (a tad slowly) that Daryl is going to be used for Eeeeevil! Like, he's going to be made to fly planes and bomb things and such, so he does what he can to get him away and to a family that can love a robot child, but the government find him and then he has to escape again, so he steals a Blackbird airplane (awesome!)...any way (take breath here), the government chase him, like Johnny 5 and he runs away and yada yada yada...happy ending.

I remember loving it, possibly due to my youthful naivety.  

Budget: $12,000,000

Gross: $7,840,873

Line of the film: "A child with a stick of chewing gum has just rendered your hundred million dollars of equipment useless".

Fun Fact: It's got the kid (Barret Oliver) from Neverending Story in it.