Night of the Creeps

The sad thing about this film is that while yes, it's directed by Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad & House), yes it's produced by Charles Gordon (Waterworld) and yes, it's a homage to the b-movies of the 50's, it is, in fact, crap. Shame that, it had so much potential.

Plot: Beginning with giant, alien baby folk losing their prized zombie experiment, we then jump to Earth, circa 1959; a couple snogging in their car see a comet passing over head and decide to check it out. Fools. The capsule carrying the experiment unleashes big slugs that take over the fella's mind and kills him, all the while, an escaped mental patient with a fire axe goes on a rampage and slaughters our sorority girl. Leap forward to 1986, same university town and a prank to steal a cadaver from the university labs goes array, loosing the cryogenically frozen young man from 1959 and his dormant slug buddies.

Sadly, while trying to cater to all the sub-genres of the b-movie, this film fails to capitilize on any of them, to the point that you never really care about it. There's a freaky cat and a dodgy dog, there's also an appearance from   Dick Miller (Mr Futterman in Gremlins). Make sure you watch the alternate ending if you do in fact see this film, it's so much better than the original  ending.

Budget: $5,000,000

Gross: $591,366

Fun Fact: All the characters are named for cult film favourites, James Cameron, George A.Romero, Sam Raimi, etc. A sequel, Zombietown was released in Germany, a pale follow up by all accounts.

Solarbabies

Filmed in 1986, this Sci-Fi attempt suffers somewhat from a lack of...what do you call it?...oh yes, interest.

Plot: In the post-apocalyptic future, the Eco-Protectorate run the world, rationing the Earth's water supply, running orphanages and assaulting the few people that deem to live out with their control. One day, while playing a roller-hockey type game, the youngest member of the orphanage team stumbles upon a glowing blue ball that flys and seems interested in helping to restore the planets vitality. In an effort to bring this premonition to reality, the full team- including Jason Patric (The Lost Boys), James LeGros, Jami Gertz (also in The Lost Boys) and Lukas Haas, travel across the barren landscape on roller-skates and do battle with the maniacal leader of the EP, Richard Jordan (Raise the Titanic, Logan's Run), his chief scientist, Sarah Douglas (Superman I and II) and their torture loving robot.    

Budget: $7,500,000

Gross: $1,579,260

This film did not score highly with folk, one reviewer even suggested the script had been re-worked in Crayola.

Fun Fact: There's a small role for Adrian Pasdar (Heroes), a cameo for British comedian Alexei Sayle and even an appearance by Critters star, Terrance Mann.

Death Ship

Ghost ship in the Atlantic ocean rams a tourist ship and chaos ensues...ish.

Plot: An ocean liner collides with a ghost ship on a deliberate collision course and subsequently sinks. The survivors include the mardy captain- George Kennedy, his first mate- Richard Crenna (Rambo's boss), soon to replace him after this voyage and his family, a lounge singer that fancies himself Frank Sinatra (Saul Rubinek- Warehouse 13) and a few other folk. While relaxing on the ocean blue in their rescue craft, the ghostly ship appears from behind (insert joke here), they hop on board and soon after start dying off. The ship has a mind of it's own (who'd a thought it huh?), it's a former Nazi ship and George Kennedy becomes possessed.

This could have been a superb film, really. A Nazi ghost ship that kills folk, awesome! Not so, sadly.
You could watch it, but as it took me two full attempts to see it to fruition, I'd advise against it.

Budget: $4,500,000 (Canadian)

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: I simply couldn't find anything fun about this film. A couple of death scenes are ok, I guess.

The Dead Next Door

Following on from the craze that George A.Romero epitomised, J.R Bookwalter and friends created this 1989 gore fest that absolutely revelled in all that is great in Zombie films.

Plot: The dead are alive, again and the Zombie Squad (yep, they drive station wagons too) are out to find the cure to the re-animation of corpses that has ravaged the nation (the USA as usual). Travelling to the countryside to follow up on the research a scientist has begun, the squad meet a cult that believes the dead should be saved and are less than bothered by the governments crack team of Zombie killers (they're crap actually).

Watch out for some superb kill scenes-grenade in the mouth being one and a cult commando that looks like Rambo's blonde, mulleted love child. The movie was shot entirely on Super 8 film, which accounts for its similar quality to Romero's works. There's even nods to the horror greats- Raimi, Savini and Romero with characters being named after them.

Line of the Film: "It's trying to eat us, but it doesn't have a mouth. Why? Why?!"

Budget: $75,000

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Sam Raimi actually produced this film, under the pseudonym 'The Master Cylinder'. Listen carefully for the voice talents of Mr Bruce Campbell too.

House

Written by Fred Dekker (Night of the Creeps, Monster Squad), this 1986 comedy/horror certainly revels in the ridiculous.

Plot: Recently estranged author- Roger Cobb (William Katt), moves into his auntie's house after she hangs herself and soon after his only son vanished from said house. Seeking to put the bits of his life back together, Cobb starts experiencing random, monster/ghoul infused nightmares, that also include tenuous flashbacks to his time in 'nam. Trying to figure out why he's having these flashes, Cobb sets up a series of cameras and aims them at the door the monsters keep escaping from. He fails to photograph any of them, so in an effort to gain sanity and proof, he invites his number one fan and coincidentally, his next door neighbour- George Wendt (Cheers), around to witness his efforts. When the monsters and the battle hardened, rather miffed, 'Big Ben'- his irrate buddy, come to have a go, Cobb meets 'em head on.

I saw this film on the shelves of the local video shop when I was a pre-teen and instantly thought, 'this looks scary'...I was wrong. Funny though.

Budget: $3,000,000

Gross: $19,444,631 (incredible!)

Fun Fact: A sequel, imaginatively entitled, House II: The Second Story, followed a year on and promised to get even weirder. I shan't be watching that one for ya though.

Race with the Devil

If this film has taught me anything, it's that motor-homes kick ass!..as does Peter Fonda.

Plot: Peter Fonda, Warren Oates and their ladies decide to go on a break in their new, shiny motor home. While parked, they happen to see an occult ritual being performed, where-in a young lady is stabbed to death. The holiday-makers take off at high speed, with the Devilish bunch chasing 'em down. Other than animal killings, there isn't really any occult stuff happening, but there is some superb highway fisticuffs!

I would also say that I was very impressed with the house pride shown by all in the vehicle.

Budget: $1,745,000

Gross: $ ?

Fun Fact: There was a remake planned in 2005, sadly not materialised yet.

Dark Crystal

Funnily enough, this is the first time I've seen this film from beginning to end.

My justification for this being, I was all of 7 years old when I first tried watching it and the monsters scared me. I 'manned' up this time though.

Plot: On a world, far, far away and in the year of our lord- 1982, Jim Henson and Franz Oz (Labyrinth) wrote and directed the story of a bunch of nasty, rat-like, 8 foot tall monsters, that delight in the genocide of a race called Gelflings and the extraction of a creatures life essence via giant crystals. On the flip side, there's these really slow moving cow/camel things that are much nicer and practise mystical powers, mainly by humming. So, the cows save the last of the Gelflings-Jen and raise him to follow his destiny and unite a shard of crystal with a much larger dark crystal, at the time of the three suns conjunction, thus saving the day, the planet and re-uniting the elements of the universe that were separated. Huzzah.

It's so slow moving. I'm not kidding. Sure, by the end of it I was into it, wanted to know how it'd all finish, but it was really slow. As with many a cult film, this one was shot in Britain, Elstree Studios, the Scottish Highlands and parts of Yorkshire (the north, but we'll excuse that).

Budget: $15,000,000

Gross: $40,577,001

Fun Fact: The long awaited sequel-The Power of the Dark Crystal, is currently on hold, as it has been, on and off since it's inception.