Scarecrows

As it says on the poster- Trespassers will be VIOLATED! (eek)

Plot: A team of commandos stage a robbery and escape in a stolen cargo plane, flown by a father, daughter and dog (ok, the dog doesn't fly, but is pretty cool) with $3.5 million dollars. One of the team sets off a smoke bombs and nicks off with the cash by diving out the window and parachuting into a field populated with scarecrows. The rest of the team parachute after him and the plane lands. Chased by demonic scarecrows, defending the graves of the buried dead, the not-so honourable thief perishes and the rest of 'em have to figure out what's going on before meeting a similar end.

Imagine a group of irate Worzel Gummidge's vs the team from Predator.

Line of the film: "Your head's going to be possessed by the butt of my gun if you don't shut up!"

Budget: $425,000

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Director-William Wesley also directed episodes of the TV series- Monsters.

Mortuary

A killer in a cape, who could it possibly be?

Plot: A teenage girl witnesses her father's murder (via baseball bat to the skull), but no one seems to believe her, including her buxom mother. Meanwhile, her boyfriend and buddy break into a warehouse, owned by the mortuary boss who fired him to steel tyres to the same value of his missing wages. Big mistake, a fella in a black cape and some nice white and black make-up (bit like The Exorcist) stabs him through the stomach with an embalming implement (could this be a rather heavy handed clue to the killers identity?). Stalking, murders, dancing (it is the 80's) and a spate of sleepwalking follow, only for the girls' boyfriend to investigate and do what he and his 80's blonde, bouncy hair can do to save the day.

Budget: $250,000

Gross: $4,319,001

Look out for the worst, tapped-on ending ever.

Fun Fact: Co-starring Bill Paxton (surely his break through role), we are treated to some overly wide mouthed smiles (almost like the Joker) and a touch of mania. Nice.

Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror aka The Zombie Dead

Italiano Zombie films have something few others of the genre have...some tragically and highly amusing dubbing.

Plot: Beginning with an aged, paunchy, jeans wearing, Jesus looking archaeologist discovering a stone tablet with markings under a villa, we jump to 80's moustache sporting men, gratuitous boob shots and an incestuous son who appears to be wearing an atrocious wig, has eyes that protrude further than a toad's and is in fact a dwarf-Peter Bark. The story is secondary to the elements that make this film enticing; Italian villa, zombies (the slow variety that also wield axes), three couples (all horny), maid and man-servant (expendable) and some exquisite maggots-in-the-eye socket shots.

Look out for the best death scene, by Scythe.

Line of the film: "You're getting a raise all right, but it has nothing to do with money!"

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Filmed in 1981, but not released at the cinema until 1986. Director Andrea Bianchi also directed Strip Nude for your Killer and Confessions of a Frustrated Housewife.

Creature aka The Titan Find

Yep, it's another 80's Sci-Fi.
Yep, it's an Alien rip off.
Yep, you see 80's breasts...read more below if that's got you interested.

Plot: An American research vessel heads to Titan to investigate what happened to their advance team and race against the East Germans to get there first. Sadly, those 80's Commies got there, but it's ok- they're dead, so America can save the day. They find capsules that have been damaged and swiftly realise that whatever was inside is, by some very clever deduction, now outside. The alien in question looks how the xenomorph from Alien would look, if it mated with a Llama and had sharp teeth. There's also a freakishly German looking- American security officer, a short German version of Andy Warhol-Klaus Kinski (white wig included) and what seems to be the largest amount of dry-ice a film has ever seen.

Budget: $750,000

Gross: $4,782,000

Fun Fact: Stars Lyman Ward (Ferris Bueller's Day Off) and even has a selection of the props from Forbidden Planet on show.

Dolls

Directed by Re-Animator guru- Stuart Gordon, this 1987 supernatural horror has all the elements needed for a film that seems to combine Gremlins and Child's Play.

Plot: We begin with an inept and disinterested father, a stepmother- who wears 1920's garments and a 7 year old daughter (with what appears to be a were-wolf teddy bear) getting their car stuck in the mud in the English countryside. Looking for cover from the encroaching storm, the family break into an old house and seek shelter with the pensioners (toy makers) that reside within. Coincidentally, a pair of goth chicks and another american (Stephen Lee- Dark Angel) also find haven in the mansion. The goths' seem to fancy a touch of robbery, the parents seem happy to neglect their daughter and the other american is a not so grown up kid. Miffed at the thefts and general lack of respect shown by the house guests, the dolls of the house seek retribution in their own inimitable style.

Note; don't mess with dolls brandishing saws.

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Music by Fuzzbee Morse. The film was shot in Italy and released a full two years after. A sequel was touted for a while, but never materialized.

Evilspeak

Don't mess with a lad and his demonic PC!

Plot: An orphaned teenager-Clint Howard (The Wraith and Ron Howards bruv) is forced into extreme measures when a gang of military academy bullies pick on him once too often. Having, by chance, stumbled upon an underground, hidden chamber at the academy, Clint finds a few books on the occult and decides this is the best way to end his problems. Not being such a whiz at Latin, he lumps the 1980's computer monitor into the cobweb ridden room and proceeds to follow the rituals translated on screen. The evil spirit of the founder of the academies parish seems to now reside in said antiquated computer and glows red when miffed. The book he scribbled his doings in also seems to send pigs into a ravenous rage.

Keep an eye out for some crazy demonic hair styling and a shockingly unoriginal and lazy ending.

Budget: $1,000,000

Gross: $ having seen this film, I can't imagine how it could have made any money.

Fun Fact: The lead bully is Don Stark, one of the dad's in That 70's Show. The film was on the 'Video Nasty' list in the UK for a few years, due to the Satanic elements, although, had the board watched the film, I can't see how they'd have made the decision.

Forbidden World aka Mutant

Ever wondered why Sci-Fi films were so popular in the 80's? This film won't help.

Plot: Beginning with what appear to be segments directly lifted  from Battle Beyond The Stars wherein our hero and his robot battle space pirates, who are after their food (there's a Galactic shortage on, a bit like the summer hose pipe bans), they respond to a distress call from a research lab on a planet, somewhere?
Once he arrives, our hero boinks one Farrah Fawcett impersonator and endeavours to go for a girl who very recently lost her boyfriend to a giant Alien looking alien and then went for a wank in the sauna (I promise you, I couldn't make this up). So, our 'hero' goes off with laser guns and the rest of the fast dwindling crew to hunt for said beastie.

Line of the film: "That's about the stupidest, God damn idea I've heard all day...no offence".

Budget: $? (recycled sets...can't have cost much)

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Many of the sets in this film were in that other Roger Corman produced gem, Galaxy of Terror. The Mutant poster looks more like Alien, but this one's superb for its utter lack of similarity to the film.