Prince of Darkness

Lady Mullets, blonde mustaches and Donald Pleasence...must be a 1987 John Carpenter film.

Plot: An old priest dies while waiting for a chat with the head of his local chapter. Turns out the old chap had a rather important job, one of those 'hush-hush' jobs...guard the son of the devil and make sure he doesn't pop out for a stroll or indeed, try to bring daddy through the looking glass. Taking on the mantle, Mr Pleasence (Halloween) enlists Mr Victor Wong (Big Trouble in Little China) and his crack team of university students to investigate the church where the son of 'he who shall not be named' lives and figure out why the green goo in the glass container is turning folk angry, especially a rather large bunch of homeless men and women, led by the pasty faced Alice Cooper (of Alice Cooper fame) that turn into mindless zombies.

This film is actually very very good, especially for Victor Wong's ongoing explanations and the variety that carpenter uses in his story. Much scope for continuance. Carpenter has a habit of doing things longer than other film makers- in They Live, his fight scene lasted longer than any other around, in Prince of Darkness, his opening credits last over ten minutes, interspersed by action.

Line of the film: "Am I crazy or are we stroking ourselves heavily here?"

Budget: $3,000,000

Gross: $14,182,492

Fun Fact: This is the middle film in Carpenters 'Apocalypse Trilogy', The Thing firstly and In the mouth of Madness lastly.

Child's Play

When possessed dolls go on killer revenge rampages, you know it's time to leave town.

Plot: The Lakeshore Strangler aka Charles (Manson) Lee (Lee Harvey Oswald) Ray (David Parker Ray?)-Brad Douriff, is shot and trapped in a toy store and in need of a way out...clearly, transferring your consciousness via Voodoo ritual is the obvious choice. Now firmly settled in the body of a child's doll, 'Chucky' begins his naughtiness by influencing an impressionable 6yr old boy to start fibbing to his mum (dastardly!). The cop that chased the 'human' Chucky' into the toy store (Chris Sarandon-Susan's 'wife'-The Princess Bride) investigates the mysterious death of the boys babysitter and his surprising obsession/belief that Chucky is in fact, alive?! Silly boy.

Budget: $9,000,000

Gross: $44,196684

Fun Fact: Charles (Manson) Lee (Lee Harvey Oswald) Ray (David Parker Ray?)- all serial killers in their own right. Unsurprisingly, there were one or two sequels-5 in fact and even a video game.

The Devil's Rain

Devil worship, goat-head Borgnine and William Shatner with sideburns, wearing a checked shirt...that's about it. On the surface that'd sound pretty appealing...urg!

Plot: The film begins almost halfway through (or it feels like it), with a frantic mother and her strapping young son- Shatner (not long released from his tour of duty with the Federation) trying to figure out how to save his dad from the Satanic cult that lives nearby and seems intent on getting their rather nicely bound leather book back. Shatner ain't 'avin' it and goes off to fight the leader- Ernest Borgnine (Airwolf), who dresses in a red cape and has the power to become a goat-bloke. At some point Tom Skerrit (Top Gun-Shatner's bruv in this one) goes off to the cult site (ha, cult site!) and has a word too. Etc, etc.

Feels awfully like a US version of a Hammer Horror Production...that, in this case is not so much the recommendation you might think it to be. Sadly the director- Robert Fuest (The Abominable Dr Phibes) rarely worked again after this failure. He ended up doing a soft-core porn in Greece in the early 80's.

Budget: $?

Gross: $ clearly not much.

Fun Fact: Look out for a very young John Travolta. I miss him, he's crafty that guy! Actual Satanist, Anton LaVey is credited as a consultant on the film. You gotta take a look at this fella!

Blood Diner

This is the oddest film I have ever seen! Bar none!

Plot: Two children have a visit from a deranged uncle- on the run following a massacre of a glee club (on the right track there I feel) and lopping off his nether region, who encourages the 6yr old pair to follow in the footsteps of a Lumerian God named Sheetar (with me so far?). The kids grow up and start a diner, serving body parts and passing them off as vegetarian/health food. One day they exhume their dead uncles body, remove the brain, stick it in a jar and start talking to it. All the while, the competing diner owner next door is talking to his ventriloquists dummy and puzzled over this neighbours success. So the boys start killing women of loose morals and hacking them up for the new jigsaw body of their soon to be resurrected God Sheetar. The cops are on the case though, a greasy, gold chain wearing, hairy chested duche bag and his partner- a young black woman with a combination of British and American accent (possibly, dear god hopefully dubbed voices throughout). There's also some zombie action, a naked kung-fu chick, creature effects and a band that looks awfully like Gary Glitter and Hitler inspired musicians.

Line of the film: "If I only had my Schlong back, you'd know the meaning of the word machismo!"

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Sadly not too much more to tell ya, other than fans of the classic 80's teen drama, Beverley Hills 90210 might want to let me know if this is, in fact, THE diner the kids used to hang out in?

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie

Along the same lines of Creepshow, Tales from the Darkside is based on the television series and told in three segments, with a 'filler story' to link the fantastic tales.

Plot: Deborah Harry (Blondie) likes a little roast child for dinner at parties, the result is a fattened up little boy, trapped in a ground floor dungeon, telling tales to the wicked witch to buy time before his impending cremation.
The first story is a good old fashioned killer Mummy story (old fashioned as it was based on an Arthur Conan Doyle short), with a maddened Steve Buscemi (Reservoir Dogs) raising the embalmed one to exact revenge on Julianne Moore and her brother- Christian Slater (Heathers). The second (adapted from a Stephen King short by zombie maestro-George A.Romero) follows the tale of the killer Cat (tail joke there, enjoy) and the grouchy old millionaire. When moggies go bad, they go BAD! And finally the third, a Gargoyle falls for an artist in New York and they live happily ever after...ish.

Look out for a great 'falling down the stairs scene' and just watch where that pesky cat puts his claws.

Budget: $3,500,000

Gross: $16,324,573

Fun Fact: Tom Savini believes this film the 'real' Creepshow 3, having seen the third, I'd have to agree at least that 'Tales' is substantially better.

Zombi 2 aka Zombie Flesh Eaters aka Zombie

The 1979 unofficial sequel to Dawn of the Dead from prolific directo Italiano- Lucio Fulci, gives you that mix of zombie goodness but with a tropical twist, a bit like drinking Lilt from a human skull. BELLISSIMO!!

Plot: An unmanned yacht belonging to Tisa Farrow's dad, drifts into the docks of New York. Concerned about papa, she teams up with deceptively bald journalist-Ian McCulloch (Zombie Holocaust) and sets off to the island of Matul, only to discover a big ol' mess of Voodoo proportions and as it turns out, a doctor has been trying to find a cure for the reanimated dead. The film has gained considerable status among horror fans for it's memorable "splinter" scene, but mostly due to the now legendary fight between a zombie and a real shark. ZOMBIE VS SHARK, need we say more?

If you've seen this film, you'd be forgiven for thinking that women didn't discover tops, shower curtains and any sense of self preservation until sometime in the 1980's. Aside from the occasional bad dubbing and radio news readers that narrate their own death, well worth a watch.

Line of the film: "When the Earth spits up the dead, they will come back to suck the blood from the living".

Budget: $8,000,000

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Don't worry about missing Zombi 1, it's doesn't exist. Zombi was the release title of Dawn of the Dead in Italy and they were just cashing in on it's success.

review by Callum Stockdale

Beyond the Time Barrier

This Cold War era Sci-Fi (1959) has some merit, especially considering it was filmed in all of ten days.

Plot: Test pilot Major Bill Allison (Director & Star of The Hideous Sun Demon) is off to fly his new aeroplane past the speed barrier and beyond into the upper stratosphere...except, something goes array. His plane jumps the Time Barrier and ends up 70 years in the future, where his air force base is in ruins and a new civilization has popped up. Living below the Earth, the Major's rescuers are suffering from a cosmic plague that has rendered the majority of them deaf, mute and impotent (except our star keeps knocking on a girls door and expecting her to answer-dope), while the rest of the human race that bore the brunt of the cosmic rays have become bald and rather miffed (some excellent bald caps all around). So, Allison has to reverse course, stop the rays and save the world...will he make it? Wait 75 minutes and you'll get ya answer.

Budget: $125,000

Fun Fact: One of the mutants was the screen writer-Arthur C.Pierce. Any similarities with MGM's The Time Machine are entirely intentional.