He-Man & She-Ra in The Secret of the Sword

If you ever wanted a disturbing visit to the past, I'd recommend this film. If you're looking for 'camp', you can't get much better.

Plot: He-man is sent on a random trip to another world-Etheria, by the Sorceress, in search of some chick that he has never heard of, with no explanation. He-Man, being He-Man says yes and pops through a magical portal with his faithful pussy cat- Cringer aka Battle-Cat. There he meets an evil force called the Horde, commanded by Hordak- a badass fella that transforms into a penis shaped missile. He-Man's mission is to find a worthy woman to wield the same sword as him, except this one has a jewel in the hilt and as a happy by-product, save the planet from the nasty man and his gang. 

Line of the Film: "Let's cross swords" (I promise you, I'm not kidding).

Budget: $2,000,000 (I couldn't believe it either)

Gross: $6,500,000

Fun Fact: The script was described as 'complicated but highly predictable', if that's not a recommendation, what is?

The Manhattan Project

The Manhattan Project is a true 80's film. It ticks nearly all of the boxes for a cult film, except the iconic/or just plain bad sound track.

Plot: A young genius (Christopher Collet- Prayer of the Rollerboys) who entertains himself with exploding desk drawers, discovers that a secret government building, dedicated to Plutonium enrichment has opened up nearby his quiet, idyllic, suburban home and to make matter worse, the lead scientist (John Legend Lithgow) wants to date his Mum. Anyway, he tells the chick he's interested in (Cynthia Nixon- Sex and the City) and in a bid to bond and find themselves some teenage romance, they decide to break into the laboratory, steal some Plutonium and make their own Nuke-just to show it could be done, you understand. Well, a trip to a science fair in New York, a mad dash escape from the Feds and the obvious finale follow. 

All told, it's pretty good. The production standards are high, the acting is more than passable (Lithgow never disappoints) and it left me surprised and happy that even now, having seen so many 80's "cult" films, I can still discover and enjoy a little gem.

Budget: $18,000,000

Gross: $3,900,000 (bit of a loss)

Fun Fact: Robert Sean leonard appears as a very young teen (House). The film was inspired by a University student who, using widely available information, designed a Nuclear device for his term paper.

Brewster's Millions

Starring a comedy pairing that today might cost the bulk of the budget, Richard Pryor and John Candy play off each other...shame they don't play a little better though.

Plot: A down and out, second rate baseball player is surprised, to say the least, when informed that not only is he the last living heir to a fortune, but, if he manages to spend it completely, without amassing any possessions, then, he will come into the real fortune- $300,000,000! The catch? He can't tell anyone, even his best friend. The problem is, it isn't as easy as it might sound to spend $30 million.

It could've been so much better. I guess Aliens writer/producer- Walter Hill just doesn't have the comic timing the film required.

Budget: £20,000,000

Gross: $45,833,132

Fun Fact: Look out for a small appearance by Ghostbusters supporting actor- Rick Moranis.

Miracle Mile

When Goose (Top Gun) meets the woman of his dreams, he'll go far and above to save her.

Plot: Having had a few dates, Anthony Edwards is rather smitten by his new lady and arranges for an evening of dancing, with the promise of some hardcore snoggin' to follow. That is until he accidentally stands her up and while waiting on a snack, is mistakenly called by a missile silo operator, informing him of the coming apocalypse. In an effort to save everyone in the diner and her, he must steal cars, shoot pistols, blow up gas stations and generally go far beyond what your average trombone playing, Jazz enthusiast might, in a regular day.

It ain't great. Don't believe the poster. Surprisingly, this film did attract a fan base, but, unsurprisingly, not a box office great.

The legendary film reviewer- Roger Ebert believed the film to have a sense of "real terror" but, having watched it, I can only assume he meant the acting and not so much the scripting.

Budget: $3,700,000

Gross: $1,145,404

Fun Fact: The film has appearances from Bubba (Forrest Gump), Tasha Yar (Star Trek- Next Generation) and features music from soundtrack supremo's- Tangerine Dream (The Keep, Street Hawk, Near Dark and Legend).

The Video Dead

This is definitely the kind of film a ten year old David would have loved. The poster makes this film look all kinds of awesome...shame really.

Plot: A writer, living somewhere in middle America, out of the blue, receives a wooden box with a TV inside. He puts it in the living room and goes about his business. The TV is not to be ignored however and turns itself on repeatedly, displaying a black and white zombie movie. Some blue lightning later, our writer is dead.
Skip to three months later and the murder house has been sold to a family, sight unseen. The new tenants; a teenage boy and college girl (awaiting their parents arrival for the Middle East) find the TV and all manner of Zombiness ensues.

It's a shame, as I said, because this film lacks story. I mean, it really lacks it. The acting is terrible, the direction is in fact non-existent and the camera work is lazy and unimaginative. There are but a few things that make this film watchable in any way; the Zombie make-up, which is in fact, some of the best for it's day and still looks good now, a washing machine death (spinning legs) and the end of the film where-in the lead actress finds herself holding a dinner party for the undead. Yep. I know.

Budget: $80,000 (most of the budget must have gone on the poster)

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: One of the actors took his role so seriously (that of a zombie) that he would only grunt and growl at other members of the cast once in make-up. That's dedication. The film is now available on Netflix and DVD...sweet.

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

Wow, if ever there was a b-movie with an over abundance of one liners and lovely bottoms, this would be said movie.

Plot: A General and a member of the C.I.A approach a feminist professor and demand that she trudge into the deepest, darkest depths of the Avocado belt (the main area for Avocado production- somewhere in the "jungles" of California) and stop the Amazonian-type cannibal women that live there from attacking people who come near their fruit and negotiate the future supply. To do this, our hero- Shannon Tweed (star of various half-naked films), her bimbo-headed- home economics major-student and her one time lover-Bill Maher (US Talk Show host) traverse a cat-fish infested river, destroy a peace loving-emasculated male colony and don leather mini-skirt (Maher doesn't) and endeavour to save the Avocado crop for all Guacamole-loving Americans.

Line of the Film: "I wasn't sure if you had any Feminist Cooking classes?"

Budget: $?

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: Directed by screenwriter J.F.Lawton- Pretty Woman & Under Siege.

20 Million Miles to Earth

When Ray Harryhausen tells a studio what he wants, he damn well gets it...unless it's colour.

Plot: On their return journey from Venus, a US military spaceship crashes into the ocean, off the coast of Scicilly. Two fishermen rescue a Doctor and the Colonel in charge of the mission. Washing up on the shore, a little boy finds a capsule with a gelatinous blob inside and, coincidentally, sells it to a travelling Zoologist (I'm not making this up). Meanwhile, the Zoologist's Granddaughter (nearly a Doctor) treats the injured men. Due to the difference in the atmosphere, the gelatinous blob hatches and begins to grow, fast. Our creature starkly resembles a later work by Harryhausen- the Kraken from Clash of the Titans. It's fair to say the "monster" is mis-understood, and as a result of a few pre-conceptions by a dog, a farmer and the Italian Police, the poor, confused creature is hounded up hill and down dale, until he/she ends up scaling the Coliseum in Rome.

This all leads us nicely to the final line of the film:

"Why is it always, always so costly for Man to move from the present to the future?"

Very profound.

Budget: $ No idea, but it didn't stretch to the cost of colour, as requested by Harryhausen.

Gross: $?

Fun Fact: The film is a Harryhausen showcase. Designed to take full advantage of the man's talents. It was even written for him and set in Rome, because that's where he was going on holiday. That's star power! PS. one of the actors is actually called Arthur Space.